Jan 17
Hot Cops Posted by Leah

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?  Whatcha gonna do when they come for you…

Did you ever have one of those days when you felt completely consumed by the power of your own sexuality?  When you felt as if your body was emitting strobe light sensors from your alert and yearning nethers to the outside world like so many unspoken pick up lines?  When every move had a meaning, every touch had a tingle, and it had nothing to do with how you looked or what you wore or where you were?  And your words, when spoken, were liquid heat ensnaring innocent passersby in your random web of seduction?

Yesterday was that kind of day for me.  I dunno what it was or where it came from, but I was a walking time bomb of barely bridled sexual energy.  Luckily, it was a work day that found me wearing a less than flattering t-shirt, jeans and sneakers combo, else the whole of Long Beach might have been notched on my bedpost this morning.   Who was the first gent to find himself smack dab in the middle of my unbearable lightness of being?  A Hot Cop. 

Aaah, the Hot Cop.  He doesn’t get nearly as much attention as the Hot Doc or the Hot Fireman, but we love him nonetheless.  I remember the Hot Cop who arrested me lo those many years ago - a story I ONLY tell over cocktails…so if’n you want to hear it just email me at herhotness@hotmandiet.com and name the time and place…and yes, YOU’RE buying the drinks! - he was so nice and kind, even while he was cuffing me, and had I been in better spirits I might have made a move…sigh…

And so it is that today I pay homage to the Hot Men in Blue by honoring the best and Hottest of their tv counterparts.  To be sure, there are a staggering amount of Hot TV Cops…seeing as how I am unable to pick my top three (hell, even narrowing the field to ten seems an impossible task!), I have decided that Hot Cops shall be a recurring HMD entry…not on a weekly or monthly basis, but whene’er the mood strikes, whene’er Her Hotness needs a good frisking, Hot Cops shall be there!

We begin with the Law & Order trifecta, because they are the mac daddy and daddy mac of cop shows.  Ladies and gentleman, I give you Hot Cops, Part One.  Enjoy!

The Swagger

Hot Man Chris NothBack when Law & Order was gritty and young and unconcerned with Hot, Chris Noth was still Hot.  All cocksure bravura and New York attitude, he set the tone for all future L & O Hot Cops to come.  That he achieved much greater fame as Carrie’s Mr. Big is of no concern to me, for Chris has come the full L & O circle and is now making busts on Criminal Intent.  That he had/has a penchant for dating ladies of color only adds to his allure…add to that the fact that I stood behind him in line at a deli in the East Village during his first L & O tour of duty and was stunned to find him overwhelmingly tall and handsome in person…my hands were so clammy from nerves my tuna sandwich was ruined…but my heart was aflutter…Hot, Hot, Hot!

The Body 

Hot Man Christopher MeloniChristopher Meloni is a tremendously talented actor.  He is also built like a brick effing house.  He has one of those bodies that, when clothed, seems to be of an average build, with average musculature and average looks.  HA!  He has an INCREDIBLE body, cut and chiseled and pumped and ripped and lo-ver-ley!!!!  And so Christopher Meloni, star of L & O Special Victims Unit, is a tremendously talented actor who also happens to be super smoking HOT!  Me likey!!

The Bratt

Hot Man Benjamin BrattThis is not Benjamin Bratt’s first HMD shout-out.  An early Request and Dedication, his Hotness has been duly noted and enjoyed by all of us here at Hot Man Diet.  His Law & Order stint was reassuring proof that the role of Sidekick to Jerry Orbach would remain fittingly Noth-ified, aka Hot.  The missing swagger he replaced with grace, the cockiness with gravitas and a strong moral compass (until that affair…oooh, remember that affair he had in LA with the soon-to-be Lorelai Gilmore?!).  Throughout it all, of course, he was Hot.  Aaah yes, he was Hot!

The Brain

Hot Man Vincent D'OnofrioRemember when Her Hotness gave thanks for Smolderingly Sexy Character ActorsCriminal Intent’s Vincent D’Onofrio falls in that category, no doubt about it.  My mother calls him The Weird One, but she can’t look away.  He is eerily intense, uncannily focused and super effing smart.  This is a case of Talent providing the Hotness.  Vincent was also a guest star on one of the BEST episodes of my personal all-time favorite cop show EVER - Homicide.  (Seriously, I freaking loved that show, it was SO GOOD it kept me glued to the tv on Friday nights when I was young and living in NYC and should have been partying…it was that good!)  Look it up, find it, rent it (if possible) TiVo it (I know some channel is playing Homicide reruns during the day) and enjoy the brilliance of this Hot Cop in action.

The Soul

Hot Man Jesse L. MartinThere is no denying that in the post-Orbach L & O years, Jesse L. Martin has become the soul of this show.  His prickly chemistry with S. Epatha Merkerson is the stuff that dreams are made of (especially when one is a young black actor desperately searching for signs of intelligent African American life on tv).  He is beautiful…look at that face!  Rent Rent and listen to that soaring voice!  The lips are perfect, the skin looks soft as all get out, the eyes make you die a little on the inside…the gentlest of the L & O brood also happens to be one of the Hottest…(and yes, I know of the many rumors that he plays for the other team…people, let me just state for the record that Hot is Hot, no matter the team, no matter the position…and this one is undeniably HOT!)

The Newbie

Somewhere along the line Jeremy Sisto pulled a Keanu Reeves on us.  He grew up and Hot Man Jeremy Sistofilled out, imbuing his once boyish, pretty frame with a full bodied masculinity only age can bring.  Gone are all signs of Elton “Rolling with the Homies” from the yes-I-still-think-it-is-brilliant-all-these-years-later Clueless.  Now…he’s a man.  A Hot Man.  And a Hot Cop, for Jeremy joined the L & O cast two weeks ago and has already brought this wandering fan back home again.  Ya’ll, he’s Hot!  He’s dark and gruff and still grieving for his dead brother and maybe still in love with his dead brother’s wife and he hurts on the inside, you know, but he’s a super talented cop and maybe a bit of a loose cannon but all he needs is a woman who understands him, right?  Right?!?!

The Other Newbie

Hot Man Linus RoacheYou’re probably sitting there thinking to yourself - who the hell is this?  But I’m sitting here thinking to myself - I gotta rent The Wings of the Dove super soon, because seeing Linus Roache as the new ADA on L & O reminded me of how much I freaking loved him in The Wings of the Dove, one of those fantastic, swooning period pieces that just absolutely made me lose my shit, what a great stinking movie that was, back when Helena Bonham Carter was still quite pretty, it was simply fabulous, this tale of three lovers caught up in greed and lust and money and maybe love…by the way, Hot Brit Linus Roache pulls off a pretty stellar New Yawk accent…check it out for yourself…

The Heart

Jerry Orbach - we miss you!!!!!

Hot Man Jerry Orbach

6 Responses

  1. miss gee Says:

    linus roache. oh the pining. he truly loved HBC in Wings of the Dove - i’m sure of it. the other one was far too sedate and had none of the passion of kate. who played that ailing bore? amy smart? what? no.

    so we’ve got a thing for the deputies, do we? you’re “legally fond” of them. (sorry).

    fine choices & a real romp of an entry, sergeant such-n-such. praytell, what did Chris Noth buy at the deli those many years ago?

    Dearest, how could one look at food when there was SUCH a man?!?! He did not have ME for lunch, therefore making this a sad story indeed…

  2. catia Says:

    Heads up for the Newbie, the Soul and the Body, but Vincent D’Onofrio????? He’s too effing annoying to be hot! This must be the first time I disagree with you! And…apart from L&O, are there no other cop shows on TV????

    Dearest, we must agree to disagree on the VD tip…no worries. And remember - Hot Cops shall be back with other shows!!! I only began with Law and Order cause it has been on for, like, EVER! Fear not, you CSI fans…I’ll be back!

  3. sasefina Says:

    Can I just say that I LOVE Jeremy Sisto? And seeing as I LOVE Law and Order, I could not be happier. Thank you, your hotness. Oh thank you.

  4. Sandra Says:

    When I read about law and order, I had no idea but let me say, THANK YOU. You began with my favorite (I love, LOVE, Chris Noth) and included my smoldering Mr. Bratt. Can’t wait for your next installment!!

  5. AniXtra Says:

    Jeremy Sisto…ahhhhhh. SERIOUSLY-when did this happen? He’s come a long way since Clueless, and boy am I glad! (I also still love Clueless and purchased the DVD last night at Target thanks to this edition of HMD.)

  6. Hot Man Diet » Blog Archive » Still Counting Down… Says:

    […] I trot out the Mancandy.  We had specials galore - United Colors of Hotness, the very first Hot Cops (hmmm, perhaps this Friday will see the second edition?), an all Latino all the time HMD R & […]

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