Nov 05
Big and Hot Posted by Leah

Weekly Hot-o-Meter Reading:  clear with a “phew” and a “thank god that blasted holiday is over” showing of 0 lbs lost (-22 pounds total!)

…effing Halloween candy and it’s effing bewitching chocolatey spell…

My chitlins, how does this Friday afternoon find ya’ll?  Ready for some good times this weekend?  I am!  I’ve shaken off my Monday morning malaise and am bright eyed and bushy tailed.  Going to this thing called Actorfest tomorrow.  It’s a convention-esque thingie for actors - casting director meet and greets, info sessions, stuff like that.  I will be in downtown LA all day, soaking up information like a mo fo.  My fear, of course, is that I will be surrounded by twentysomething idiots preening to be noticed by the - gasp! - VH1 casting people that are in the hunt for some Hot new talent.  Actually, that could be good.  At least then I would stand out.  And I could corner all the serious theater geeks running Meisner workshops and make them want me.  Yeah, that could work.  Because let’s face it, my ACTUAL fear is that no one will notice me at all, I will blend into the masses and become so much wallpaper, and even if I do manage to get some attention all face time will be limited to some casting director looking me up and down and screaming “no, no, NO!  What the hell am I supposed to do with YOU?!  You confuse me, I wouldn’t know how to cast you, you are far too hard, now please get out of my way so I can scour that VH1 casting booth for some Hot new talent, reality show, reality show, blah blah, blah blah, someone find me the next Kim Kardashian!” 

That’s my actual fear.  If tomorrow at some point you hear a shriek, a high-pitched blend of soul crushing pain and open, gaping wounds full of molten lava and dying dreams, you will know my fear has come true.  In which case, find me!  Find me and bring me a margarita.

Anyhoo, I had the weirdest dream last night.  This dude that I used to work with a few years ago, back when I was totally rocking HMD and had lost quite a bit of weight, this dude was with some chick and they were watching me from afar.  And my dream was totally doing this third person omniscient point of view, allowing me to hear everything they were saying about me even though they were having a completely separate conversation.  So this dude I used to work with was taken aback by my appearance.  He was shocked to see I had gained so much weight.  And here is EXACTLY what he said (in my dream) - “Wow, she’s big.  But she’s still Hot.” 

Huh.

I kinda…like it.  I am big.  But I am HOT!  My hair is big.  But it is HOT!  My ass is big.  But it is HOT!  Talent and Ambition are big.  But they are HOT!  My personality is big.  But it is HOT!

My heart is big.  AND it is Hot!

 Hot Man Kerry Rhodes

And so this weekend’s shot o’Hotness is NFL player Kerry Rhodes, who plays some position for some team somewhere.  That might seem unfair, I’m sure he’s EXCELLENT at what he does, but for our purposes right here right now all that matters is that he is Big and Hot. 

Just like me.



One Response

  1. Bones Rodriguez Says:

    Kewl… Yes, hot and big.

    -you and my penis have a lot in common.

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