Jan 19
Yes I Can’t! Posted by Leah

Week 84: down 0 pounds (-63.5 pounds total!)

I know, I know…I’m late.  But I totally have a good excuse.  I was out of town all weekend, letting freedom ring from the mountain tops (literally).  I was on holiday, as this oh so cosmopolitan gal about town is often wont to do.  I did not make my way to La La Land until a few hours ago, and so I must beg your pardon for my Monday morning absence.  I hope it did not ruin your day entirely.  Stop crying, I’m here now.  There, there…you’re going to be okay…

Kids, Her Hotness went snowboarding for the first time ever!  Yup, I went with some lovely peeps to Big Bear for the long weekend and spent Saturday morning becoming one with the snow (literally).  And while I may be very gifted and talented when it comes to some things, I can say with absolute certainty that snowboarding is NOT on the list.  HMD’ers, I hurt.  I hurt bad.  I don’t hurt as much as I did Saturday night, when I was in such pain that I 1) turned down the chance to sample some Bear Mountain nightlife (if you know me well you understand the difficulty in said decision…I do VERY well in unfamiliar locations, as if my lovelife were pre-destined to be a cross country scavenger hunt ) and 2) called my Mommy.  Whatevs, you would have done the same if your right knee were as big as a baseball and a shade of eggplant you hadn’t seen since your bridesmaid years.  Don’t judge.  

In my delirium I spent the remainder of the weekend in existential turmoil, so displeased was I with my ice capades.  You see, I began the day with a two hour lesson that should have prepped me for the bunny slopes to follow.  Instead, I would call it a class in falling.  I did manage to learn how to make my way downhill, though my technique was dubious (I can only hit any kind of stride when facing uphill and looking over my shoulders to find my way).  Going down the hill face first, with no real understanding of how to control my speed and/or direction, terrified me.  I was gripped in fear, palms sweaty, heart pounding, feeling less and less inclined to go because I was more and more convinced I would only fall.  My second run was an absolute catastrophe.  It took almost forty minutes and the constant assistance of a very patient friend for me to get down!  (In my defense, this was not the bunny slope but instead one level of difficulty up.)  The reason - I got off that lift and shut down.  I closed off.  I was paralyzed with fear.  Even my own rational thought processes, that I knew I could do it, that I knew enough to make it down without too much additional physical damage, did not work…at first.  To make it down the mountain I finally, inevitably, had to pretend it was a molehill.  And once down I promised myself that I would never EVER go up again!

Hence the angst.  Why did I give in to fear yet again?  Why did I refuse to trust my body’s ability and strength yet again?  Why didn’t I fight harder, push harder, no matter the outcome, no matter the pain?  After all, don’t the Marines say that pain is just weakness exiting the body?  Why was I weak?  Why am I weak?  When will I ever be strong?!

My morale had upended itself.  My vicious cycle was repeating - a small peronal “failure” occurs and I am sucker punched by a tidal wave of Major Life Failure after Major Life Failure.  But then a funny thing happened on the way to LA.  (Doesn’t it always?)  In the quiet of the car a thought came to me all of a sudden - I tried snowboarding.  I tried it.  At the age of 34, having never skied nor surfed nor done anything that might possibly have prepared me for boots and a board on a hill, I TRIED it!  And what’s more, I tried it with enthusiasm.  I jumped in with gusto, short lived as it was.  All of last week people kept telling me how hard snowboarding was, how rough their first attempt was, going on and on and ON about the pain I could/should expect, and in spite of that, in spite of ALL of that, I still tried it with enthusiasm!  I needed to try it for myself, if only to get my own taste of how hard it is, how rough it is, how painful it is.  And so what if Hot President Obamathat taste came and went very quickly.  So what if I left the gusto behind along with my sunglasses and a little bit of my pride.  So what if I’m not a good snowboarder!  At least I tried!!  And, like ice skating and deep sea fishing before it, I can now cross that summamabitch off my “Things I Can Do” list…with enthusiasm! 

The moral of the story?  While I may not master everything, I will gladly try anything!  (Interpret at will.)  

Hot Manspiration of the Week:  Ummm…did you really think it was going to be ANYONE else?  Today we celebrate the legacy of the greatest civil rights hero this country has ever known.  Tomorrow we swear in our first African American president.  One had a dream.  The other is the realization of that dream.  May God bless you, Mr. President.  Yes we can!

2 Responses

  1. Mar Says:

    I think I remember that shade of eggplant!
    Happy Inauguration Day!

    Ha! I knew you would, I knew you would.

    Congrats to you and the hubby for bringing the world another Hot Man. He’s adorable!

  2. TT Says:

    p.s. just to put it into context - NO ONE is “good” at snowboarding after one weekend…kudos to you for facing the fear!!!

    True dat, true dat! Question now is will I ever try it again…hmm…

    Thanks TT!!

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