Week 107:  up .5 pounds (-56.5 pounds total!)

Yes.  Her Hotness did indeed leave Las Vegas.  Fear not, intrepid Dieteers.

And then life went all buck wild.

I’m cereal.  I’m totally cereal.  Buck.  Wild.

We’re talking about a Sunday morning conversation with the RLHM (Real Life Hot Man) that, on a complete and utter whim, extended the weekend excursion to Sin City by one day.  We’re talking about a three, count them - THREE, day packing extravaganza in which the entire contents of three, count them - THREE, years in a teeny studio in West LA had to be pushed, prodded and cajoled into boxes and bags, a packing extravaganza that involved late nights, many friends, and far, far too much sangria.  And finally, yes - FINALLY, we’re talking about The Pad, the new pad, the beach pad, all the same characters, yes, but the locale…the locale changes everything, it changes everything, nothing the same, everything better, brighter, the sunny side of the street, finally, yes - FINALLY, we’re talking about the sunny side of the street!!

And then we’re talking about the 4th.  The first 4th in the new pad, the beach pad.  Dear God, has anyone seen my liver?!

Kids, I won’t sit here and apologize again for my blogular absence.  I’ve done that too many times, especially lately, especially since the RLHM has come along and swept me off my feet and Manstracted me like a mo fo.  Alls I can tell you is that I missed you (totally true), I missed writing (kinda true), and I know ya’ll missed me, too (completely true…right?).  I can also tell you with all brutal honesty that I have occasionally wondered if our time here is almost over…I might not have reached my weight goals (yet), but the greater plot point has been addressed…the Hot Man is here…and he’s wonderful, beyond words and beyond measure…and I am blissfully happy and getting happier…and sure, there is more to be done, particularly career-wise…but is it time to stop writing about the life I want to lead and instead focus on the hella good life that some dear being upstairs has plunked down in front of me like so much gold?  Is it time to let you go? 

NO!!!! 

Yes, I’ve got the Man.  And the Man is Manificent.  But hell, we’ve got a new set of issues to deal with, ya’ll.  Like how to un-Manstract oneself.  Seriously, how do I do that?  How do I deal with all the chips and dips and whatnot, things that have been absent from Casa Burnette lo these past two years, how do I deal with all the boy food that has quickly taken up residence in my pad, the new pad, the beach pad?  How do I continue to focus, focus, focus on health and well-being when the Well Being all this well-being hath wrought prefers instead to have good times?  How do I tame the evil beast that is Summer Leah now that she is in her full glory, on the water, near the beach, drunken stumbling distance from umpteen bars and restaurants?  And how, dear god tell me HOW do I resist the In-n-Out that is oh so conveniently located in the middle of my daily commute home?!?!?!

Most importantly, how do I find the balance, the precarious but necessary balance, between all the I have and all that I continue to want?  How do I stop and smell the roses whilst still moving forward? 

One thing is for sure - I need you kids.  I need the Hotness.  You all need the Hotness, don’t you?  So let’s change things up and let’s make a deal.  How’s about we move this party to Tuesday mornings?  Fridays were NOT working for me, and Mondays require too much weekend recovery.  Tuesdays might be just what the doctor ordered.  I’ll have adequate time to wax poetic on all things Hot and Healthy, you’ll have a post-Monday blues spot o’Hotness to enjoy over a cup of joe.  It feels right.  It feels good.  A brand new Hot Spot for us all!  Ahhh, change is good. 

Besides, you’ll want to tune in for the continuing adventures of Summer Leah, her first on the arms of a RLHM!  What happens when the world’s best Sunday afternoon bar flirt tries her hand at a committed relationship?  Eeeck!

A brand new Hot Spot.  A brand new day.  Yup, feels damn good…

Hot Manspiration of the Week:  Kids, I must address an egregious oversight.  I know it might seem like I keep honking the same horns (don’t forget to send me any Hotness you think I’m missing!!), but this journey began with three Hot Men and by gum if it won’t continue on with them front and center!  The oversight - last Friday was Derek Jeter’s birthday.  He’s 35.  I’m 35.  He’s a Yankee.  I’m a Yankee fan.  He lives in New York.  I lived in New York.  Why can’t he see that we’re clearly meant for each other?!?!

Week 108: up 2 pounds (-54.5 pounds total!)

Ahh, good morning kids.  I’m barely awake.  Barely.  Last night I got one of those late bursts of energy and began unpacking and organizing like a mo fo.  And now I’m barely awake.  Oy.  This is gonna be one of those days…

…yup.  I was right.  Up 2 pounds?!  Another up 2 pounds?!  This makes it official - there’s something broken here,  something not quite right about the core concept of Hot Man Diet.  Whaaaaa?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  Say it ain’t so, Joe.  Say it ain’t so!!!

But there is.  And since I created this sumumabitch, it is my job to fix it…with your help, of course.  It take a village, people!  It takes a freaking village.  And so it was that this comment from good friend and first ever real life Hot Manspiration, Bones Rodriguez, delivered a swift kick of reality to my growing ass -  

Seriously, you’ve been slacking, and I don’t wanna hear any Manstracted crap. Get back on the horse, and burn it.  You plateaued months ago, and it’s been long enough.  No one else will say this to you. Bones will.   If the HOT MAN DIET has failed to continue working under these new developments, then I guess your new Hot Man ain’t that hot.

Ouch!  Harsh words, indeed.  And he followed up by text to make sure I had read his missive.  After I threatened him within an inch of his life to leave my man OUTTA this, that his Hotness need NOT be questioned, he fleshed out his argument with this nugget, this kernel of super-mega-holy-shit-I-hadn’t-thought-of-it-that-way truth -  now that I have a RLHM (Real Life Hot Man) it is time for me to up the ante.  It is time for my A game.  You don’t bust your hump to make the playoffs just to play like a schmuck once you’re there!  You bust your hump to get there so that you can win!  Besides, if I’m so into him wouldn’t I want to give him the best Me possible?  Don’t I want to show him how amazing and wonderful I can be?  Isn’t he worth it?  Isn’t he?!

Whaaa?!?!?!?!?!

I honestly NEVER thought of it that way.  I adore this man, I really do.  So why have I become That Girlfriend, you know, that girlfriend who constantly worries about weight and talks about food and feels guilty about what she has or has not eaten, blah, blah, blah, etc, etc.  I hate That Girlfriend!!  So why should he have to put up with her?  And while he does think I’m fantastic just the way I am who is to say two more months of “up 2 pounds” every week won’t be enough to drive him away or at the very least tame some of his physical desire for me?  That is NOT ACCEPTABLE!!  That will not do!!  Can’t I see?  Isn’t it obvious?  The work you do to keep the RLHM must be equal to or greater than the work you did to get the RLHM.  Nothing less will do.  Nothing less.

All right.  Okay.  I’m ready.  Let’s play ball.  

I’m actually kind of excited.  I’m gonna show the world just how awesome I can be.  My man deserves this!  Let’s hear it for the boy!!  Woo hoo!!!

Hot Manspiration of the Week:  So this past Sunday I took the RLHM for his first ever trip to the Hollywood Bowl to see Ray LaMontagne.  The show was simply amazing.  That man has one of the coolest, sexiest voices I’ve ever heard.  He looks like a freaking mountain man, but when he performs…yowza…it’s all kinds of major Hotness.  If you don’t know his work check him out.  You won’t be disappointed.  Anyhoo, there is something about him, I don’t know exactly what, but there is someting about him that reminds me of Wes Bentley, that kid from American Beauty with the ridiculous blue eyes.  Where’s he been?  We need hime back.  Hot.  Although we need to call a spade a spade - he was always a poor man’s Jared Leto.  Jared Leto!  So.  Very.  Smoking.  Hot.  Shit kicking Hot!  Damn! 

Week 109: down 0 pounds (-54.5 pounds total!)

Hey kids, how’s everyone doing?  I myself am a smidge under the weather, felled as I am by one of those pesky summer colds.  ‘Tis a mild one, to be sure, but it totally took me out of the game last night.  I haven’t slept that much in one 24 hour period since college.  Word. 

So…I kinda have nothing to say today.  I’m cereal.  I haven’t a thing to say.  I stemmed the tide of the “plus two pounds” juggernaut that’s been the bane of my existence these past few months.  That’s good.  I tried to save the drinking for the weekend, the sweets for deserving desserts and the carbs for the first half of the day.  That’s good.  And my results were okay, nothing gained, nothing gained, nothing gained.  That’s good. 

But dammit if I didn’t want this week to be great!

Not that I’m complaining.  I’ve thought a lot recently about my happiness and what constitutes both my present and future versions of it.  What are the things I currently have in my life that are sources of happiness?  How did I get them?  How can I keep them?  What can I do to continue to deserve them?  When I think of my future, what are the things I believe will make me happy?  What kind of life do I desire for myself?  What steps can I take now to actively promote said life? 

This sounds like a very goal-oriented check list, doesn’t it?  When I write it down it kind of sounds exhausting.  But here’s the thing - oftentimes the result of this mental ”To Do” list is to simply do nothing at all.  Oftentimes the result is to just sit back, shut up and enjoy.  Enjoy the beautiful place that my crazy life path has led to.  Enjoy the ocean, enjoy the beach, enjoy this half-unpacked apartment and all of the potential it holds.  And the peeps, ah the peeps, enjoy the hell of out the peeps!!  Enjoy the people in my life that are everything to me, all goodness and light, some close and some far away, but all still precious, so freaking precious!  Enjoy a day like Sunday, this past Sunday, this past perfect Sunday, a gorgeous day spent wandering through a huge art festival with the RLHM (Real Life Hot Man) and an evening spent on his patio surrounded by candles and Christmas lights (because I am a sucker for candles and Christmas lights and the RLHM is good!) and jazz music and freshly made frozen white peach margaritas.  Holy crap!  Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy…if I may be so bold and oddly religious as to quote the Bible - these are the days that the Lord has made. 

So what does all this have to do with food?  Well, it doesn’t.  And that’s the point.  Don’t get me wrong, health and wellness are vitally important to this whole endeavor.  But they’re only one part of a much broader canvas.  They shouldn’t be ignored, but yet they cannot take center stage.  No one thing should.  

This is about having a full life, a full, happy life.  I do NOT want to look back years from now to remember that week I lost half a pound.  Hells no.  But I know I will remember Sunday, that glorious Sunday, that Sunday where we went to the Sawdust Festival and I bought my first piece of real art and we walked for hours and hours and then you made me the best peach margarita I’d ever had and we sat outside under the stars and the candles and the Christmas lights and then we went upstairs and then…well, then we enjoyed, enjoyed, enjoyed…

Jeesh.  I guess I had something to say after all.

Week 110: down 0 pounds (-54.5 pounds total!)  Can you say stalemate?

Hola peeps!  Happy Last Tuesday of July to you all.  Umm…where did July go?  How in the hell are we bumping up on August now?  Did I miss something?  Did I pass out again?  Did I pass out and miss an entire month?  And if I did pass out did I at least win the shotgun competition?  I trained for that one real good…

So I know I got all emo and soft and cuddly last week.  Sorry.  Sometimes a girl’s just gotta be all girly, ya know.  Anyhoo, I also know last week came sans Hot Manspiration.  What the?!?  Sorry again.  Can I…well…jeesh…is it awful of me to say I just wasn’t feeling it?  Honestly, the only Hot Man who’s truly been rocking my world this summer (besides the RLHM - Real Life Hot Man) is Derek Jeter, and you guys are probably over me blathering on and on about El Capitan.  What’s a girl to do?  I’m only one woman!!

Anyhoo, that shant be the case today.  I’m revisiting one of my fave entries, bringing back the attitude of gratitude, and updating it for your pleasure and Manjoyment.  Good times, good times…

Dear Universe, I thank you for the following:

The Roots - Oh man, there’s nothing better than hip hop unplugged, and no one does it better than The Roots.  (That Jimmy Fallon has asked them to be his in-house band now gives him gobs and gobs of street cred and gives me another reason to get TiVo)  My geeky schoolgirl crush on Questlove just gets stronger every time I see him perform.  He’s a freaking musical genius and let’s face it - genius is Hot!  They’re coming to the Hollywood Bowl the end of next month…holy crap…will I be able to contain myself?!

Unpacking - Aw kids, my apartment is still in a buck wild uproar, but I’m trying to embrace the madness.  I took an unscheduled unpacking hiatus to…I dunno…goof off and enjoy what little bit of July there was, but now it is back to business.  And for all my complaining the truth of the matter is I thoroughly enojy putting my own stamp on a new place.  And this place is great, so the stamp will be, too.  Besides, the sooner I get her done the sooner I get to party time!  Woo hoo!!

P.S.  The RLHM is one humdinger of a picture hanger-er/put stuff together-er and that ROCKS!!  I always said I wanted a man who could fix shit…thank you Universe!

Andy Samberg - Living steps from the marina has inspired significant amount of boat envy, and the RLHM is frothing at the mouth for one.  Well, no conversation regarding said future boat occurs without at least one of us shouting “I’m on a boat” and cracking up.  If you haven’t seen this awesome clip from Saturday Night Live (is there someone out there who hasn’t seen it?!) see it and soon!  This dude is great.  He’s reinventing the short video and rocking my world in the process.  Don’t even get me started on “D*ck in a Box”…

Lemons - Lemons get a bad rap.  Everyone’s like they’re all tart and sour and only good for accessorizing my vodka drink and I’m all step off, lemons are awesome, you just don’t know, lemons rock, you just don’t know how to use them, how to work them, so step off you just don’t know that lemon zest makes, like, anything taste a gajillion times better, and some lemon juice can be super sweet and can rock in marinades, salad dressings, on top of roasted broccoli or fruit, so step off the nasty lemon tip cause I’m here to tell you you just don’t know, lemons rule, they RULE, and most especially they rule because they do all this without adding fat OR calories.  Word!  So step off. 

Baseball Games - Many people are bored by live baseball games.  Whaaa?!  Am I the only one completely turned on by four hours of nothing but sitting, eating, drinking and staring at all the Hotness?  Am I?!?!?!?  Apart from the fact that one day in the wrong ballpark could set you back well over $100 (I’m looking at you, Dodger Stadium), there’s nothing better than spending some quality face to face time with the boys of summer.  Especially when you’re in the All You Can Eat section (God bless America!) and your team is down by one run in the bottom of the ninth with two outs, two men on base and a full count and then, holy crap the Hotness!, and then Casey Blake, already a Hot Man Diet mainstay, Casey Blake drops in a game winning blooper and all hell breaks loose and you attempt to work off those two Dodger dogs by jumping up and down in delight, utter dee-light!  This mighty Casey so rarely strikes out…yum…Hot…baseball…Hot, Hot, Hot…