Week 86:  down .5 pound (-64.5 pounds total!)

I know, I KNOW.  You guys are all where the bloody h are you and I’m all not there.  Not there Monday.  Not there Tuesday.  Not there Wednesday.  What.  The.  Eff?  I know.  I KNOW.  So then you guys start calling me like where the bloody h are you and you start writing and you’re all like seriously where’s my Weekly Speak and I don’t write back and I don’t call back because I’m all like damn why can’t they leave me alone why can’t a girl get a break sometimes even the Hotness needs a break it needs a break!

Okay, so sometimes the Hotness doesn’t eat enough at a Superbowl party and ends up three sheets to the wind before half-time and sobers up enough to make it home and pass out but then when it’s time to get up and commence the Hotness it can’t be done she can’t do it it makes her sick to do it not really sick but like ugh really do I HAVE to do this and so then it’s all like eff this NO HOT FOR YOU! but inside she knows she totally knows the Hotness cannot wait and even though even though you all bug her to death she secretly loves the fact that you all need the Hotness too you need it we all NEED it!

And maybe the best of intentions fall by the wayside Monday night when a diversionary tactic (i.e. a date, a date, a date!) puts the proverbial kibosh on the Hotness the needed Hotness the already late and growing later Hotness but that’s okay because well hell it’s a DATE and these things can wait you guys can wait can’t you please wait and so yeah yeah yeah maybe Tuesday and Wednesday were just lost to lethargy the Hotness was tired tired turred and fighting off the beginnings of a sore throat and and trying desperately trying to start keep commit to a food diary so that the Hotness can keep moving forward there’s a birthday coming this month it’s a big one a birthday oy a big one and things need must should HAVE TO keep moving forward and so sometimes and listen closely guys sometimes life just takes over for a little bit but don’t worry because the Hotness the Hotness will never EVER go away delayed a bit yes but gone away forever never!

So don’t get pissed because some of you might get pissed at me for doing this especially the ones that have been here since the Hotness began you’ll think it is a crutch my easy go to shot o’ Manspiration but you have to understand listen closely guys sometimes when life just takes over and shit is really late because I’m trying trying trying really hard to juggle this maelstrom that is my life you have to understand listen closely guys this is the moment when I want desire resquest dedicate need need NEED a naked Gerard Butler.  I’m only human.  He’s only Hot. 

I will see you next Monday.  I WILL see you next Monday.  Have a Mantastic weekend!! 

Week 87: up 1.5 pounds (-63 pounds total)  Aw nuts.  Nuts!  Okay, okay, okay…this too shall pass…mostly because I’m gonna make it pass…let’s work, it’s time for work, mama’s got some WORK to do! 

Hey ya’ll!  Good morning.  How was your weekend?  Am I forgiven for last week’s late showing?  I hope so. 

You know, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about singlehood.  Yet I haven’t really talked about it much with you guys.  Not sure why, though I have my suspicions.  For one thing, I really don’t want to dilute HMD’s main purpose - the use of complete and unabashed adulation of Hot Men to further one’s health and wellness goals - with a bunch of mamby pamby, Bridget Jones-esque diatribes about the plight of the single woman.  Hells no!  I an NOT that girl.  Don’t get me wrong.  I loved me some B.J.’s Diary.  Colin Firth and Hugh Grant together?  Pantydropper-accent bliss!  But that was that and this is Hot Man Diet.  HMD’s a whole ‘nother Oprah.

And so when I tell you that I want to give a shout out to all the single ladies (now put your hands up!) I need you to realize that I do NOT intend for this to be some kind of gynocentric, Lifetime Television for Women moment.  There are no drum circles, no vaginas, no monologues, no Herstory.  And I assure that at absolutely no moment, and this I swear on my life, at NO moment will there be scrapbooking.

No.  I want to give a shout out, a Hot Man Diet shout out, to all the single ladies (now put your hands up!) because there’s something I need to say that I haven’t said nearly enough  - YOU ARE HOT.  The boys, oy but I tell them all the danged time how much Manjoyment they bring me.  But you gals…I ignore ya.  My bad.  Guess what?  You’re Hot.  Y’are, y’are, y’are.  Hot Men, listen up.  It’s kind of rough being a single lady nowadays.  You guys, you’re all Mancandy, yummy and sticky and sweet, but us gals…we’re all soft parts and soft hearts just trying to make it through this world with fabulousness intact.  We’re putting ourselves out there on the line and online, willing, ready and open, checking all crazy neuroses at the door and bringing instead goodness and light - a warm smile, a friendly laugh, a flirty eye, a tender hand.  We’re SO worth it, aren’t we?  And yet…if only it were that easy.  If only… 

So I want to give a shout out to all the single ladies (now put your hands up!) because I am one of you.  And this week we just need a freaking pat on the back, don’t we?  Actually, screw that.  Screw a pat on the back.  We’re not victims!  We’re not babies!  This shout out is for us because we rock!  We’re awesome.  We’re funny and caring and we can drink like sailors and cuss like schoolboys and we’re whip smart and wicked talented and we remember birthdays and we throw great parties and we have killer arm muscles and can quote Blazing Saddles and we make a mean creme brulee and the best damn coconut cupcakes you’ll ever, EVER, have in your life and we hurt and we help and we hear and we laugh and we listen and we love and we rock and we rock and we rock!!

Did I mention that we rock?

Hot Manspiration of the Week:  I know ya’ll have heard all the ranting and raving about AMC’s Mad Men.  It’s won umpteen awards and all kinds of praise and yet I’ve never seen it.  My loss, right?  ‘Cause when I tuned into my weekly Hour o’ Happiness (aka The Office and 30 Rock) there was a most Mantacular vision on my screen…besides some of the best laughs I had all week, 30 Rock provided Manspiration of the most divinely fine looks I have seen in quite some time…the Manttraction was immediate and intense, cheeks flushed, heart pounded, hands lunged for glasses so that eyes could drink in the Hotness…holy crap!…the Hotness.  Hot Man Dieteers, meet Jon Hamm.  Damn… 

Week 88: down 3 pounds (-66 pounds total!)

Good morning to all ya’ll out there in HMD land!  And how does this lovely day find you?  Many of you are off on vacay thanks to Presidents Lincoln and Washington.  Unfortunately, I am not.  Nope.  I gotsta put in my normal nine to five.  Booo!  Oh well.  That won’t stop me from bringing the Hotness, hells no!  Just think of me when you’re enjoying your afternoon nap…

So kids, lately I feel like I’ve been all “oooh look at me” and “oooh let’s talk about me”  and “oooh I have feelings I need to share” and “oooh snowboarding is hard” and “oooh my boobs are talking”.  It’s been nothing but me this and me that and me, for one, is sick of it!  I’m SO over me!  Thank god, thank god!, it’s time for another HMD R & D.  This is your moment in the sun, HMD’ers, your time to shine.  You request the Hot.  I bring the Hot.  You dedicate the Hot.  I bring the Hot.  Whatever ye ask, ye shall receive.  Consider me your Manspiration mule - Leah Full of Grace.  If you need the Manjoyment so help me god I’ll swallow the summamabitch, carry it over international waters and poo it into a bathtub for you, I love you that much!!

A bit o’ hyperbole to go with your morning coffee, to be sure…I shant shit anything into a bathtub EVER…but earnest feelings nonetheless.  Remember, if it weren’t for you guys I wouldn’t have been Manspired by the likes of Gerard Butler, Keanu Reeves, Scott Speedman, Hugh Jackman, Don Cheadle…I would have ne’er been introduced to Eduardo Verastegui or Sakis Rouvas or Kaká…you would have waited in breathless Manticipation for Michael Jordan, James McAvoy, Mark Ruffalo, Paul Rudd, Gael Garcia Bernal, Marvin Gaye…alls I’m saying is that I need your Hotness.  You help me help you.  And it helps me, too.  Brilliant.  Effing brilliant. 

(Take a Hot Trip down memory lane - treat yourself to an HMD R & D retrospective by clicking “Hot Man Diet Requests and Dedications” in the Categories section on the right.)

Our first request comes from S. in Los Angeles, though she originally hails from Pittsburgh, PA.  I’m sure that last point becomes painfully obvious when one sees her choice - “my boy Troy” a.k.a Troy Polamalu, strong safety for the Pittsburgh Steelers, 2009 Superbowl champs.  Yes, this is he of all the hair.  Apart from being one of the most generously coiffed pro-football players, Troy also has a reputation for being one of the nicest.  Add to this his mad skills on the field (I don’t know squat about football but I know an exciting athlete when I see one and no doubt Polamalu is one) and the clever Mean Joe Green commercial spoof and you have the first non-quarterback to make his way onto our fair site.  A major feat, considering my baseball-centric leanings.  But he deserves it.  Because he’s Hot.  Hair and all.

Our second shot o’ Hot is a dual request of sorts.  P. in Woodland Hills just recently sent me a request for Anderson Cooper via email, though it is with horror that I admit to having received this same request from one of HMD’s closest family members, A. in NYC, ages ago!  For shame!  For shame!  I have flogged myself most heartily over this cruel oversight, believe me.  I would never want to ignore your pleas for Manspiration.  Especially when they come in such dapper form.  Anderson Cooper is Manificent - dignified, erudite, a silver fox with a twinkle in his eye and the best wardrobe on cable tv, all coolness and calm, able to get me Hot and bothered while delivering the stunningly bad news that seems to keep on coming (save for the gloriously wonderful results of our last election).  Complete and utter economic ruination never looked so good…

Last but not least we have our second ever real life HMD R & D.  You’ll remember when we featured our first, my good friend Bones Rodriguez?  Well, the floodgates have opened and peeps are enthusiastically volunteering their Hot Men for Manspiration duty.  Case in point - I received an email last week from T. in Long Beach, “I hope you can access this picture of HOTMAN Todd.”  I opened the attachment.  Before me was a young gent, all buff and tan and ripped and wet and OH MY GOD THAT’S MY BOSS!!!  Seriously, that dude in the pic is Todd Kelm, my boss.  T. in Long Beach is Trina, one of my dearest friends, and she always, always, always, always raves about how Hot her hubby is/was/is (the is or was depends on how much wine we’ve had).  And so now I’m kind of freaked out because I have to, gulp, agree with her - dude is Hot.  I mean, this is him quite a while ago, certainly I’ve helped him add a margarita gut, but still…this is my boss…but still…pics don’t lie…Trina, this one’s for you!

Happy President’s Day!  I’ll see ya’ll next week! 

Help me help you help me - send your Requests and Dedications to herhotness@hotmandiet.com today!

Good morning, Hot Man Dieteers!  Kids, kids, kids…I’m wiped out.  It’s been a weekend, a long, fantastical, completely unexpected whirling dervish of a weeked, and I am spent.  You see, my birthday is this coming Friday, and in emotional preparation for what feels to me like a significant change (”mid-thirties” here I come!), I began the celebrating early.  Good times, good times with good peeps, including some delightfully new additions to the circle…I shant name drop, but I could if I wanted to…oh, I could if I wanted to…

Anyhoo, all of this is to say that I’m spent!  So this week’s gonna be different.  It’s gonna be special.  Because it’s my BIRTHDAY WEEK and I ‘m just getting BETTER WITH AGE and I’m, gulp, TOTALLY READY to hit the BIG 3-5 with HOTNESS INTACT, ready for MORE CHANGE, MORE CHANGE, MORE CHANGE!!!  At least, I think I am.  I will be after a cocktail.  Oh God…is this really happening to me?!?!?!? 

So meet me here this Friday morning for a birthday celebration, HMD-style.  It’ll be healthy (I will weigh in, don’t worry), it’ll be happy (let the big 3-5 bring me down?  Never!) and most importantly - IT WILL BE HOT!  I will be Hot!  35 won’t know what hit it! 

I can’t wait.  BRING IT!

(Is this really happening to me?!?!?!?!?)

See ya’ll then.  Have a Mantastic week!

Week 89:  down 0 pounds (-66 pounds total!)

Hello everyone!  T.G.I.My Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for coming in and checking me out on this, the beginning of my 35th year.  I am tickled pink to be sharing another one with you kids, pleased as punch I say…if only you were in me house I’d bust out the mimosas…instead we’ll do this over miles of land and mugs of coffee…holy crap, holy crap, holy crap…I’m 35.

And you know what - I’m SO excited to be 35!  I’m cereal, totally cereal with this one.  I really am excited to be turning 35.  And I gave myself the best gift - I spent a very grueling pre-birthday week hitting workouts with my Secret Weapon every single day.  I had to.  Last weekend’s early celebration surely left a mark I was not willing to face without a fight.  But still… holy crap!  Who the hell do I think I am?  Oh right, I’m the 35 year old who rocks!  I rock!  Sorry kids, but the humble pie ‘taint a coming out today - I ROCK!  ‘Cause you know what - we’ve been together for what, almost going on two years now.  And in that short space of time I’ve changed…oh my, such change!…and right now I feel like I’m standing on a precipice…the unbearable lightness of my being is growing, glowing, pulsing, ready to explode forth onto the world like so much molten lava…all hot and fiery…so close, thisclose, so very close…the gifts I’ve given myself - health and wellness - combined with the gifts you’ve given me - love, support and accountability - the foundation has been laid for a lifetime of…well…good stuff.  Good friendships.  Good relationships.  Good career.  Good love.  Good times.  Good times.  Good me.

And I say this to you all today in complete sincerity - THANK YOU!  You’ve no idea how much all of this means to me.  Your active and enthusiastic participation in one of the most defining periods of my life means so much to me, more than I can begin to express, though I try try try.  It may just be your Monday morning pick-me-up, but I do not overstate things when I say it has been my salvation.  Thank you.

I’m getting all Oprah on you guys this morning, huh?  Maybe there were mimosas after all…

Anyhoo, before you go off to conquer the weekend and I go off to skip the light fantastic into my mid-thirties I have one last thing to say - stick with me, kids!  We’ve only just begun!  The journey continues apace, and I Manticipate great things ahead…

Hot Manspirations of My Birthday - Umm, yeah.  Umm, did ya think it’d be anyone else?  Umm, could you really imagine me trusting this moment to less than stellar hands?  Are ye crazy?!  Have ye gone mad?!  Hello!!  A gal only turns 35 once…a gal has to make the most of it…a gal needs her Manjoyment…a gal needs her Manspiration…a gal needs her Original Trifecta of Hotness!!!!  Daniel, George, Derek….Craig, Clooney, Jeter…Hot, Hotter, Hottest…hubba hubba…this is the best birthday ever!