Week 49:  down 4 pounds (-47.5 pounds total!)  Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap!  Thank god, cause if I spent another week in a stalemate I think I might have pulled my hair out.  I’m so stoked!  This might be just what the (Hot) doctor ordered to keep me from going too crazy this Drinko de Mayo…maybe…

Kids - it’s time to pull out the party hats!  May is here!  And we’re only three weeks away from the FIRST YEAR ANNIVERSARY of Hot Man Diet!!!!  Holy crap, has it really been a year?  In many ways it seems like this all began just yesterday, but in many more ways it feels like I’ve been on this journey forever.  I’m getting all emotional, ya’ll!  Deep breaths, deeeepppp breaths…

(I am also secretly panicking…I want SO MUCH to reach the big 5-0 before the big 52 hits the calendar…I know I shouldn’t make such demands of myself, and I know that ya’ll will understand if’n the scale and the timing don’t agree…but dammit, I WANT to do this!   Aaargh!!  One big loss is usually followed by several small losses…2.5 can take a while to reach if you’re moving at a .5 clip a week…cross your fingers for me, peeps!)

To honor this milestone, May’s Weekly Speaks will be a retrospective look at HMD’s inaugural year.  We’ll examine the Good, the Bad and the Hot from each season, taking stock of lessons learned, goals achieved and the Hot Manspirations who led the way.  In addition, each week will feature a special Friday edition of Her Hotness’ Random Ramblings…it’s gonna be all HMD all the time…are you ready for such Hotness?!?!

Almost a year ago I posed this query - why do you diet?  It was a question I had asked myself umpteen times before, every time another fad diet failed to work or when the inspiration to become healthy was fleeting and flimsy, if it was even there at all.  But this time was different.  I had an answer.  I finally had an answer.  And so I proclaimed - I diet because I want a Hot Man.  And my life would never be the same…

Summer 2007 - How The Hotness Began

The Good:  Well, the good is that I finally got this party started right.  I had toyed with the idea of starting this blog as early as mid-April, even had the domain name as of May 1.  But it took me a month to finally gather the balls (yes, why say courage when one can say balls…so much FUN to say!) to put my weight woes on display for all the world to see.  For anyone who has ever seriously battled a weight problem you know that discussing it with others can be akin to running through the streets naked…it just feels wrong, you know, wrong and vulnerable and terrifying, to admit this weakness…but once I did it, once I put it out there for you guys, what came next was truly surprising - I found freedom.  And this freedom, well, it just made me ballsier.  And now, hell, those suckers are made of brass.  Brass, people, brass!  Don’t eff with me.  I’m Her Hotness!

Terms we learned: Hot Manspiration (aka Hot Man Inspirations), OTH (Original Trifecta of Hotness), HMD R & D (Hot Man Diet Requests and Dedications), Her Hotness (aka Me!)

The Bad:  The world was introduced to Summer Leah, the margarita soaked, responsibility shirking, hot bartender loving party girl of Venice Beach.  Aaahhh, she was bad.  She quit her respectable office job (because office work KILLS her soul), got into a car accident (NOT her fault), spent one glorious night with half the Navy (she did it for her COUNTRY), and made it through those first few months on a wing and a prayer, writing hungover Weekly Speak after hungover Weekly Speak.  Will she reappear in ‘08 to wreak havoc for us all?  Only time will tell…

The Hot:  The Original Trifecta of Hotness.  Derek Jeter, George Clooney, Daniel Craig.  The Hot Men against which all other Hot Men are judged.  The heartbeat of Hot Man Diet, these three Hot Men began the Manspiration marathon…a Father’s Day tribute to Hot Dads…the first ever HMD R & D…the undeniable Manificence that is/was the 2007 All-Star Team of Hotness…we identified the three main components of effective Hot Manspiration - Talent, Strength of Character and Eye Candy-ness…and my oh my did we Manjoy ourselves!  Gerard Butler, Clive Owen, Denzel Washington, Paul Walker, Common, Simon Baker, Leo DiCaprio, Johnnny Depp, Matthew McConaughey, Taye Diggs, David Beckham, John Stamos, Will Smith, Matt Damon, Jake Gyllenhaal, half of Major League Baseball and many, many more…holy crap!  Seriously, people, seriously - nothing tastes as good as a Hot Man feels!  How can it?!  How?!?!?!

Week 50: up 2.5 pounds (- 45 pounds total!)

Aw crap, ya’ll.  This week just plain got away from me.  OMFG.  WTF. 

For starters, Drinko de Mayo should NEVER fall on a Monday!  ‘Tis too cruel, ’tis too cruel.  Secondly, I had some serious Life Stuff going down - I was in another fender bender (I’m cereal when I say that this time it was absolutely NOT my fault…even AAA agrees with me!), I had a ton of work to do for both of my jobs (remember, I’m being very Jamaican right now) and I had some other stuff that HAD to be done this past week (I’m not able to provide specifics, though I can assure you that a. it was legal and b. all will be revealed in a few weeks).   

On top of that, I totally failed you, my faithful Hot Man Dieteers, for yet another promised entry ne’er came.  I was supposed to provide you with some T.G.I.Hotness, but Friday came and went without a peep from me.  I’m so sorry!!  (Don’t fret, kids.  I WILL  be here this Friday, come hell or high water, for we are all in need of some good times and some new Hot Manspirations…and I think you’ll enjoy this Random Rambling…it’ll be a Hot lil’ jaunt down memory lane…) 

Anyhoo, the confluence of these many mini-dramas combined to drive me way off track, food- and exercise-wise.  Why am I not ready to slit my wrists?  Aw hell, kids, I’ve been down this road before.  I’m over flogging myself every time I turn in a less than perfect performance.  I look for perfection in my Hot Manspirations…I sure as hell don’t expect it from myself!  I’m in this sucker for the long haul, people!  One week cannot define me.  Besides, I know what I did…I know what I drank…I know what I ate…but I also know how to fix it! 

Also, and this is weirdly perfect timing when you consider the fact that this happened to me before, last fall actually, but Saturday night I had another dream about Gerard Butler.  He was Hot!  We were Hot together!  It’s like the Big Man Upstairs knows when I’m a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown and sends me a dreamtime Hot Scot to re-Manspire me.  An effing brilliant move!  I love it! 

Speaking of fall… 

Aaahh, fall.  Fall is actually my favorite season, a time of new beginnings (I still think of my life in terms of the academic calendar, is that weird?), new opportunities, new priorities.  A time to hunker down and get shit done.  But not for me, not last year…

Fall 2007 - Hotness Interruptus?

The Good:  The second week in September saw Her Hotness reach the 20 pounds lost mark, the first major goal realized on Hot Man Diet!  Woo hoo!!  I also gave props where props were due with my Thanksgiving specials - Her Hotness Gives Thanks, Parts One and Two.  What made the cut?  Oooh, some good stuff…Hot TV Docs…Smolderingly Sexy Character Actors…Charmingly Witty Brits…Men Who Drink Milk…Muscles (mmm hmm, muscles!). 

Catchphrase we coined:  I will because I will it!

The Bad:  Summamabitch!  The luster of that 20 pound milestone quickly faded away.  There were so many things to contend with - a trip home that left Her Hotness bereft of her Hotness, a mean bout of consumption that left Her Hotness bereft of her health throughout the better part of September, October and early November, an excrutiating end to a bittersweet Yankee season that left Her Hotness bereft of the only coach she’s ever known (I still miss you, Joe!), and the seeming onslaught of poor boy choice after poor boy choice that left Her Hotness bereft her faith in men (say it ain’t so!).  Entries were late, if they were there at all…gone was the giddy glee of summer…had Hot Manspiration begun to fail me?

The Hot:  Hells no!  For when I could not provide, you, my glorious Hot Man Dieteers, you lifted me up and cradled me in the arms of needed Manificence!  Hot Man Diet Requests and Dedications took on new life last fall, and thank god for it!  When my eyes were glossed over with illness and boy issues and drinking drama you all stepped up to the plate and delivered home run after home run of Hotness!  What Men!  What Hot Men you all found!  Keanu Reeves, Hugh Jackman, Scott Speedman, Mark Ruffalo, Gael Garcia Bernal, Ryan Gosling, Eric Bana, the Boss, people, even the freaking Boss came to the party to Manhandle me into submission!  Add to this list the glorious Hot Manspiration party I threw myself when I hit goal #1, plus newbies like Christian Bale, Boris Kodjoe, LL Cool J, Rodrigo Santoro, James Blake and Javier Bardem…holy crap!  While it wasn’t the best of times, it certainly was not the worst of times either, not when there were such Hot Men to be had!  And even though I struggled I did not quit…any other time I would have called it a day…would have quickly undone all that I worked so hard to do…this time I kept my head above water, though it might have been easier to simply let myself sink…this time I stayed the freaking course, which made all the difference in the world…this time I had a reason to lose, a desire to lose, inspiration to lose…I had EXACTLY what I needed…I had Hot Man Diet!        

TGIF!  Whattup peeps?  Didn’t think I’d be here, didya?  But I am!  I haven’t Randomly Rambled in forevs…feels good to start the weekend off HOT, doesn’t it? 

I am, like, totally excited to, like, completely bring you the, like, raddest, most tubular Hot Man Diet, like, EVER!  How fitting to do so today, because today is the day that Today brings us a reunited New Kids on the Block!!  Holy crap!  Seriously, kids, I spent the entirety of my high school life in major, MAJOR love with them…I know we’ve been over this before but it bears repeating…they were the Hot Boys of my youth, the future Manspirations of this future Hotness queen…’cause I was SO That Girl, so very much That Girl, you know, That Girl that spent every Saturday in the mall with friends buying every teen magazine that even casually mentioned Donnie Wahlberg because I just HAD to know EVERYTHING about him…oddly enough, this litany of information would come into good use many years later, in an improv comedy show of all places, when I left an entire audience in shock and awe with my Wahlberg family knowledge…to this day I can still tell you without Wikipedia’s help that Donnie was born in Dorchester, MA, his mother’s name is Alma and his favorite cologne is Drakkar Noir…let’s hope the latter no longer holds true, for I can no longer stand the stench of Drakkar Noir…along with Obsession for Men, it was the scent of choice for all of the boys in my high school…one waft and I am reminded of clumsy groping, canned Genessee Ale and the Congress Inn near Steelton…you guys remember the Congress Inn, don’t you?…good times, good times…tee hee…

Anyhoo…

To celebrate/commemorate/alleviate/try not to hate/a white black state, err…as an homage to the triumphant resurgence of NKOTB, I bring you Hot Man Diet - The Tiger Beat Years!  

(Programming Note - Yeah, umm, these are MY Tiger Beat Years, circa 1986 - 92, give or take a few months on either side.  If these are not your Tiger Beat years I do heartily apologize and recommend you send any teen heartthrob requests to me via herhotness@hotmandiet.com.  I’ll be sure to include them in a future HMD R & D…if they’re Hot enough!)

Ahhh…wasn’t life simple back then?  Our electric youth took place in a hazy shade of winter.  We were having the time of our lives on a thriller, thriller night.  We got out of our dreams, into our car and drank our red, red wine.  We were simply irresistible and we took our own breath away.  We were easy like a Sunday morning.  Why?  Because it was our prerogative (we could do what we wanted to do)!  All we needed was the wind beneath our wings…clearly, heaven was a place on earth…

(Whew.  That was hard!  YOU try remembering every craptacular 80’s ballad without reaching for a second glass of wine.  Oh, this is Thursday night, by the way.  I’m totally not drinking wine on a Friday morning.  Yet.)  

Most importantly, we were young lady things with young lady hearts and young lady desires, our romantic sensibilities trained on the heels of umpteen Sweet Valley High bookettes.  We fell over ourselves for the prettiest boys on the block, our young lady parts not yet ready for the heady rush of manliness that would later come in the ill-coiffed form of a young Jon Bon Jovi or Axl Rose or Brett Michaels.  (Although let’s face it - all you gals who are my age know that the first true awakening of our nethers came courtesy of that volleyball scene in Top Gun.  Holy.  Crap.  Please God just keep them on that beach unclothed and not talking, please!)

Instead, we feasted upon the sweet treats that were Michael J. Fox as Alex P. Keaton, a curly haired, pre-uber-Christian Kirk Cameron, a round faced, Silver Spoon-ed Ricky Schroder, two Saved by the Bell junior hunks - Mark Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez, and a Puerto Rican concoction of froth and fluff known as Menudo.  These were the Hot Boys that graced our bedroom walls, our locker doors, the insides of our Trapper Keepers…sigh!  That a good number of them grew up to become the Hot Manspirations their early years promised (I am thinking in particular of the two NYPD Blue alumni in the group.  Don’t you worry MPG and Rick without the “y” - a future installment of Hot Cops is going to be yours for the taking!) is a testament to our ability to correctly identify and wholeheartedly idolize Hotness.  (I must needs address the absence of my earliest, hardest schoolgirl crush, Michael Jackson.  From his Off the Wall years right up through Thriller, wayyy before his skin lightening, cleft chin, and creepily litigious older years, this man was it on a stick for me!  Look at a younger him with open eyes - if you can.  Tell me that he wasn’t good looking!  But I cannot put him on Hot Man Diet…I cannot…it would be too weird to have him here, for it is now too weird to even think of him as a man, let alone a Hot one!  Ewwww!  Such a shame.  What a waste.  Hotness o’ertaken by crazy is a sad thing, indeed.)   

And so it is that we look back upon these years with fondness.  At least, I know I do.  Because thinking about these boys…well, it just brings a smile to my face.  They really were easy like a Sunday morning, all smiles and laughs and goodness and light.  They were Her Hotness’ intro to the world of Manificence.  They paved the way for Manspiration’s creation.  They were, like, totally awesome.  And I, like, totally thank them.   

Week 51:  down 1 pound (-46 pounds total!)  Still counting down but not enough.  Eeeck!  I thought I’d done a lot better than that this week.  I mean, numbers aren’t everything, but I so so so so so so so so much want to reach my next big goal - 50 down - by next week’s First Year Anniversary celebration.  Damn!  Still a possibility, I might still be able to pull this one out…but damn!

Happy Monday HMD’ers!  I am up at the asscrack of dawn to bring you all today’s entry.  Oy!  This has been  quite a week for Her Hotness.  Stuff to do coming out of the wazoo, with no sign of letting up anytime soon.  Three things:  1) Boo Mets!  (And I mean that in several ways that I care not to articulate at present…suffice it to say another poor boy choice has been index carded.  Damn.)  2) Yesterday I was at my fave bar in Venice.  Had just spied poor boy choice on my way in.  Boo!  Chilling out with my friend in the corner, the perfect perch from which to see the ocean and the Hotness.  An accident sends several drinking glasses careening down my back, breaking ON me.  Yowza!  Bartender incredibly apologetic (he’s good people).  Anthony Michael Hall comes over to ask if I’m okay.  That’s right.  I just said Anthony Michael Hall comes over to ask if I’m okay.  What the eff?!?!  Anthony Michael Hall, who introduces himself as Michael, buys me and my friend a round.  That’s right.  Anthony Michael Hall from Sixteen Candles and Breakfast Club and Weird Science buys us a round.  What the eff?!?!  Anthony Michael Hall then proceeds to flirt with the two of us, which is okay because he is more charming than smarmy and more funny than freaky.  Good times.  Anthony Michael Hall asks if my friend and I are ”girlfriends“.  What the eff?!?!  We answer no, because while we love each other to death we don’t “love” each other to death.  Anthony Michael Hall bids us a hasty farewell.  Oh well.  I guess our answer disappointed him.  But still…what the eff?!?!  I haven’t been mistaken for a lesbian since the days I worked in the Atlanta theater scene years ago, when I kept getting cast in alternative theater productions.  (Pinnacle of my career - I one played a paralyzed lesbian!  It was an epic work of effing brilliance!)  3)  Later that  evening (still at the bar…wait a second.  Maybe THAT’S why I didn’t lose as much as I thought I would!  To which you all are free to respond with a resounding “Duh!”)  I did something new.  And we ALL know how much I love Something New, so this was perfect.  I’d been making eyes with a certain gent all afternoon, every time he’d pony up to the bar to purchase another pint of swill.  I’d smile, he’d smile back.  He was cuuuuuute!  Finally, I grab my bartender (he’s good people).  I tell him that the next time the gent in the white baseball cap orders to put it on my tab.  Go Leah!  Bartender rocked it.  It took the gent a few minutes to make his way back to the bar, but I was ready.  He ordered.  Bartender pours.  He pulls out money.  Bartender turns it down, pointing to me and explaining the sitch.  Gent is confused then happy then humbled then incredibly smiley then profusely thankful.  I tip my glass and smile, feeling like a fucking rock star!  It totally worked!  He made his way to me immediately and we proceeded to chat it up all flirty like and whatnot.  I told him that I’d enjoyed his smile all day and wanted to thank him for the Hotness (thank god for liquid courage!).  I think I made a new friend.  We’ll see.  But in any event, how stoked am I?  I freaking grabbed life by the balls, kids, by the balls!  And it felt GREAT! 

I’d better start looking for another job, because this is my new move for summer!  

Oh crap, I’m supposed to be doing my winter retrospective, huh?  Shall we skip it?  Nah.  We’ll sneak her in by the skin of our chinny chin chin.  Here goes:

Winter 2007/08 - The Winter of My Discontent

The Good - After months of hovering around the 20 pounds down mark, I finally broke through the slump.  How?  My Secret Weapon!  She’s still with me, kids, and she’s still kicking my arse and making it smaller.  Come on Eileen! 

The Bad - Season’s Eatings left plenty of reasons for me to need my Secret Weapon.  The holiday season did its usual number on me, leaving me adrift in a sea of despair for a good chunk of December and January. 

The Hot - Winter was a cold, cold time.  But I did my uber-best to make sure it was still Hot, Hot, Hot!  Holy crap, did I trot out the Mancandy.  We had specials galore - United Colors of Hotness, the very first Hot Cops (hmmm, perhaps this Friday will see the second edition?), an all Latino all the time HMD R & D, and a very special HMD tribute to Martin Luther King, Jr.  We blessed the underdog and started the year off right with not one but two Manspiration marathons!  Hot at last, Hot at last…thank God Almighty, it was Hot at last!

 Hey ya’ll!  Are ya having a great Friday-before-a-three-day-weekend?  I am.  It’s been a helluva week, and I am ready to  kick off my shoes and RELAX!  Who’s with me?

Okay, so this is just a quick Friday Hot-Me-Up, a lil’ dash o’ Manificence to keep you Manspired on this, the weekend of a thousand barbeques.  It would be cruel of me to deny you needed Manjoyment, and while I may be many things, cruel is not one of them.

Well…that depends on who you ask…

Anyhoo, unless you’ve been living under a rock you know that the new Indiana Jones movie is opening this weekend.  The publicity has been unrelenting and overwhelming, but that’s okay because 1) it actually looks like it might be quite good (it has Cate Blanchett in it for chrissakes and Cate Blanchett is one of my abso faves!) and 2) it brings to mind the good old days when Harrison Ford was Hot, Hotter, and Hottest, back when Hans Solo was a gajillion times sexier than Luke Skywalker, back when they had to hire the Hottest young actor available - River Phoenix - to play a teenaged version of Hottie Harrison as Indy, back when said Hottie looked like this:

Ummm, yeah.  Hot!  Holy crap.  Hot!  Damn.  Hot!

REMEMBER - Nothing tastes as good as a Hot Man feels!

Have a great weekend ya’ll.  See ya Monday!