Week 45: down 0 pounds (-42.5 pounds total!)

A Weekend in the Life of Her Hotness (or What Happens When Three Parties and a Bon Jovi Concert Collide)

 - Number of childhood friends attending Bon Jovi concert in Anaheim, CA - 2

 - Number of previous Bon Jovi concerts attended between them - 1 (Hershey, PA circa 1987!…NOT attended by Her Hotness, but instead by her friend…Her Hotness was too busy at New Edition - and later, New Kids on The Block - concerts)

 - Number of times Her Hotness has sung “Living on a Prayer” or “Wanted Dead or Alive” at a karaoke bar - 12

 - Exact time Her Hotness’ work week ended - 4:00 pm PST

 - Exact time Her Hotness had her first drink - 4:03 pm PST

 - Number of calories burned while jumping up and down in unbribled ecstasy during entire 4 minute performance of “Living on a Prayer” - not enough

 - Number of teams participating in Saturday’s March Madness games - 4

 - Number of hours Her Hotness spent at March Madness party - 6

 - Number of teams participating in Saturday’s games that Her Hotness can name - 0

 - Number of times during March Madness party that Her Hotness managed to bring up the Yankees - 3

 - Number of new drinks tried - 1 (diet root beer and vanilla vodka, yummy!  Thanks TT!)

 - Bottles of Prosecco almost purchased by Her Hotness for Sunday afternoon festivities - 4

 - Bottles actually purchased after consultation with friends - 3

 - Additional bottles purchased throughout the day from yummy.com - 2

 - Advils consumed - 4

 - Hot dogs consumed - 2

 - Vegetables consumed - 0 (unless salsa counts, in which case - 1)

 - Number of times it occured to me that perhaps, in the immortal words of Danny Glover in Lethal Weapons 1-10, I’m getting too old for this shit - many

 - Number of times I let that thought stop me - none

 - The sigh of relief I breathed this morning upon discovering that my weekend bender, which SO was an anomaly and SO not indicative of times to come, had not wreaked too much damage on my weight loss efforts - PRICELESS!

There are some good times that cannot be stopped.  For everything else, there’s Hot Man Diet.

Hot Manspiration of the Week:  Who else could it be?  Jon.  Bon.  Jovi.  The only man to make it out of the eighties (and nineties!) with good looks intact and getting Hotter by the decade.  Aaah, yes…he’ll be there for me.  These five words he swears to me.  When I breathe, he wants to be the air for me…he’ll be there for me this week, because I need him, because the House of Leah needs to get back on track…’cause I’m a cowboy, ya’ll…on a stepper I ride, ’cause I’m wanted (wanted!) Hot and alive!

Hey ya’ll.  Happy Monday.  Or whatever.  It’s week 46 of this whole HMD endeavor…and I’m not weighing in.  I mean, I’m “weighing in”, but I’m not setting foot on a scale.  Can’t.  Scared to.  Don’t wanna see it.  Don’t wanna start the week off that way.  Uh-un, no how, no ways, even if Jesus Christ himself axed me to do it.  Okay…maybe I’d weigh in for JC.  Maybe.

** Special Bulletin from Her Hotness!  Kids, I have a confession to make.  I wrote today’s entry late last evening, when I was feeling a bit down on myself (clearly).  After a good night’s sleep I decided to man up, so to speak, and step on the g-d scale.  The result - I lost a pound!  I’m down 43.5 pounds total!  So all is not lost, eh?  This little victory doesn’t change the facts and feelings discussed below, so please read on and enjoy, discuss, mull, etc.

Oh hells ya’ll, Her Hotness has been all fits and starts this week, resulting in 7 plus days that, to steal a line from Bart Simpson, both sucked and blew.  To be honest, there were some bright spots…I worked out quite a bit, twice even with my Secret Weapon…but if I am to be honest I must honestly state for the record that I fell off the wagon.  Hard.  And I’m struggling to get back on…

Why do I do this?!?!?!?  Why, how do I let myself get thisclose to a major goal - 50 pounds - and then perfom these almost ritualistic acts of self-sabotage?!  When did I become my worst enemy?  I feel like I am split in two - there’s Leah Full of Good Decisions, she’s the one that’s been hanging around these past two months, working her tail off and losing 20 pounds in the process, getting ready for a summer that might - gasp - include a bathing suit (say it ain’t so!!) and sticking to her guns about 2008 being all about the date…and then there’s Leah Full of Bad Decisions.  She’s the one that spent all of last weekend being either drunk or recovering from being drunk.  She’s the one that’s had some VERY questionable interactions with one exceptionally poor Poor Boy Choice.  She’s the one whose apartment is filthy, whose bills haven’t been paid, who hasn’t kept up with her beloved Yankees, who needs a pedicure more than life itself and whose refrigerator has been bereft of any decent contents lo these past 10 days.  But you know what else she is?  She’s good times, good times!  And that’s why she’s so hard to kick out. 

It’s FUN to throw life aside for a bit and just live, goddammit, LIVE!  Isn’t it?  It’s fun to lust after a Poor Boy Choice as poor as someone like Eminem, isn’t it?  Quite a few of you gals have mentioned his name to me for consideration…that you did it all hush hush and on the dl doesn’t change the fact that something about him moves you.  And you know it’s stupid and wrong and stupid, but it’s also kind of dirty and fun and slightly dangerous, which makes it even more stupid.  It’s also kind of like the candy I’ve been inhaling this past week - it tastes good the moment it hits your lips, but damn if it doesn’t give you a stomachache ten minutes later.  It is the kind of good time that does not last, because it isn’t built on anything substantive.  

So how does one find fun built on substance?  How did the two even become mutually exclusive items in my screwed up mind?  How does one find the proper balance between good times and good living, between pleasure and self-control, between free-spirited and committed?

I’ll be honest - I don’t have the answer.  I suspect this question might be the very crux of my Hot Man Diet journey.  And so I offer instead two great suggestions from two VIP members of the HMD family.  Eileen, aka my Secret Weapon, uses this motivational strategy when her workouts push me to the breaking point - she doesn’t ask me to imagine a healthy, thin me (which is good, because I can’t…not because I don’t believe it will happen, but only because it will be a me I have never seen before and that is a tough thing to visualize, you know?) but instead has me picture myself as I was pre-HMD, to remember the lack of energy, the lack of strength, to remember the clothes I had to wear and how I felt in them (bad).  To remember what it was that I ate and how it made me feel (bad).  And it hits me - I cannot imagine going back to the way things were, not when I’ve made it all the way here.  I actually like here.  I really like here!  Funny story - after a workout a few weeks ago I was helping Eileen put the equipment away and I was carrying two 10 pound weights and one 8 pound weight and I was struggling…they seemed super heavy…and my friend Tamar pointed out that I’d lost more than all three of those weights put together.  I was stunned.  I could barely carry them!!  Yeah…I’d much rather be here than back there again…no doubt…

Miss Gee has also helped Her Hotness through some emotional roller coasters recently, especially with regards to the menfolk: “FOOD.  MEN.  Entwined?  Not necessarily, but you have in so many ways married the two in such a way to benefit your quest toward health & wellness.  So for you, perhaps they are linked…How many times have you been tempted by a bad food choice & resisted in the name of your personal sense of Hotness?  Now, how will you approach a bad man choice?  Will you partake because of the instant gratification (cake) or because of the lovely feeling of being flattered (whipped cream!) or because he’s good looking (tacos!!!!)?  Or will you resist and wait for the healthy choice.  Snack on empty calories (a lusting married man) or have a healthy meal (a good guy with potential)?  I’m only suggesting that you start looking at CHOICES IN MEN as having the same consequence as CHOICES IN FOOD.  It might say something about where you are … what you really want, need, etc.”

And so it is that we must push aside the Eminems of this world, because while they’re melting in your mouth they’re also making your heart work harder, literally and figuratively.  Why allow them such power?  With all the men in this world, why stop at this end of the buffet, the end with all the tempting treats and sugary sweets?  Can we call a spade a spade here and just face facts - that end of the buffet only gives you acne and gas.  And the heartburn, oh the heartburn…the heart can burn so deeply…why not put such a precious piece of you in the hands of someone who will Manhandle with care…someone like John Krasinski from The Office…SO funny, so nice, so smart, so capable of commitment…but still (how does he DO it?!) good times, good times.  Isn’t this the kind of wagon one should hitch one’s star to?  And just because he’s the healthy choice doesn’t mean he’s boring, oh hells no!…and there it is again - we confuse healthy with boring.  When are we ever gonna learn?!

Hows about we start now.  I’ll go first… 

Week 47: down 0 pounds (-43.5 pounds total!)

Hola people!  Another late night edition of HMD here for your Monday evening reading pleasure.  I kept my promise and faced the dreaded scale this morning, scared for the second week in a row of what it would reveal.  This is no way to live - I have to stop the madness, kids!  What has happened to Her Hotness?!  I’ve lost my momentum, I’ve lost my mojo and as any sports fan can tell ya, that can be ever so costly.  How to get it back?  Well, let’s say this week you let me figure that pickle out on me own…I’ve got something a tad more lively I’d like to chat at ya about…

I want to share with ya’ll a few of my favorite things.  Some are new, some are old, all have helped either mind, body or soul on my HMD journey.  For as much as things might seem to be stalling as of late, there is no denying that I have made some major life changes this past year.  I’m tickled pink to think about the wonderful additions I’ve made to my life, the healthy new foods I’m eating, the healthy new thoughts I’m thinking, the healthy new people I’m meeting.  (I am particularly thinking about one particular person who particularly requested he be mentioned on the site…but can one call an avid Mets fan “healthy”?  Hmmm…)  Today’s entry is my special thank you to the universe for all of this bounty.  And to you, my lovely Hot Man Dieteers, for joining me.  Enjoy! 

Roasted Asparagus - I see you turning your nose up in displeasure.  Get over it!  This is NOT your mother’s asparagus, all stringy and slimy and craptacular.  This is asparagus as God intended - a little olive oil, salt and pepper, shoved into a 425 degree oven for about 20 minutes, inhaled immediately (at least by me).  I love this stuff!  Roasting is my new favorite way to cook almost all veggies…apart from the fact that it is an insanely easy cooking process that requires little fat, a good number of foodies swear that roasting brings out the natural sweetness (sweet potatoes, carrots), natural nuttiness (broccoli, asparagus, cauliflower) or just plain yummy goodness (potatoes, onions, peppers) of the food group we ALL need to eat more of.  Try it and thank me…I seriously eat roasted asparagus at least twice a week, my friends make it for me all the time because I rave about it so much, I’m even eating some as I write this…try it!  And I think that whole pee smelling thing is a myth…mine doesn’t.  Was that TMI?

“Beautiful” by Damian Marley feat. Bobby Brown - Yes, it is THAT Bobby Brown.  But don’t worry, this song transcends any of the ex-Mr. Houston’s antics.  I absolutely adore it!  It lives up to its name and then some, with Damian Marley’s voice providing some excessively pleasing aural Manjoyment.  The music is sexy as all get out, especially the horns…this song just makes me want to rub up on someone all night long…damn…

The Biggest Loser - A woman finally won!  Yay!  When Hot Manspiration proved hard to come by, this show provided me with a weekly shot of pure you-too-can-do-it-ness…thank you, thank you, thank you!

Mango - Why haven’t I been eating these all of my life??!?!?!?!?  What the eff???  Why didn’t anyone tell me that mango tastes like the sweetest of sweet kisses from the sweetest of sweet boys…I would have one every day if I could always spare the half hour it takes to peel and cut the sucker (she’s a high maintenance fruit, this one). 

Sweet Kisses  - Why haven’t I been kissing this way all of my life?!?!?!?  What the eff???  Why didn’t anyone tell me that the sweetest of sweet kisses from the sweetest of sweet boys tastes like a perfectly ripened mango…so this is what it is like, eh, when one finally sloughs off the oh so mortal coil of poor boy choice after poor boy choice…I must say I’ve never enjoyed a Mets game so much…

Obama ‘08 Bumper Stickers - Yes, I am HONORED to stand behind this country’s first viable Black candidate for President (bros before hos, people, bros before hos), but that’s not the only reason these stickers get an HMD shout out.  I am seeing more and more on the road these days and the drivers are almost always white men.  Go white men!!  I knew I loved you for a reason!  I knew you’d make me proud!  I knew you wouldn’t let me down!  And to the Hot White Man in the Toyota Prius with the Obama ‘08 sticker and the New York Yankees license plate frame - CALL ME!  I must make you mine! 

“Low” by Flo Rider feat. T-Pain - The rump-shaking yang to “Beautiful”’s blissfully sweet yin, this is my guilty pleasure du jour.  My instinct is to qualify my enjoyment of this song, to admit shame or remorse for its presence in my life, but I cannot.  I wholeheartedly, unabashedly love this song!  It is SO not my style…I typically dislike songs that use terms like “shorty” (at 5′10″, I certainly do not fall into that category!) or “booty”…perhaps it is time for me to embrace the latter, for while Talent and Ambition keep shedding letters I must face the fact that even though I was known for most of my life as the girl with the big rack, someday soon I shall simply be baby with much back.  Some might argue that I am already there.  Weird.  Anyhoo, if you see me on the 405 with the radio blasting, the base pounding, and me singing at the top of my lungs about how I want to get low, low, low, low…well, just know that you are passing one helluva happy gal…apple bottomed jeans, boots with the fur…the whole club was looking at her…

Hot Manspiration of the Week:  The talent was always there.  The Hotness was always there.  And now that the blasted monkey is finally off his back, we can all celebrate the glory that is Robert Downey, Jr.  Holy crap but this one has aged well!  Iron Man is not really the kind of movie you’d typically find me in come summer, but save me a seat and keep the butter off the popcorn - I’m a coming!   

Week 48: down 0 pounds (-43.5 pounds total!)

Good morning!  How are all my lovely Hot Man Dieteers?  Happy, healthy and well, I hope. 

Kids - as you all can probably tell, Her Hotness has a tendency to be her harshest critic.  This fact has been most certainly true these past few weeks.  I know I’m in a bit of a slump lately, weight loss wise, and I’ve let that bring me down big time.  No doubt, I’ve been feeling low, low, low, low…People compliment me on my appearance, and I dismiss them, feeling unworthy of any accolades.  I grind my way through some difficult workouts (sometimes while hungover and sleep deprived!) and yet I feel like an ass if I don’t bust my hump every single day.  I have a bunch of other Life Stuff hanging over my head, and I feel overwhelmed with shit to do.  Pressure, pressure, everywhere, so why not take a drink - aaaagh!

A few days ago in the midst of this avalanche of negativity, I remembered a word I hadn’t thought of in a while - happiness.  The question arose - was I happy?  Am I happy?  If not, why?  And that got me to thinking that I need to just - pardon my early morning bluntness - shut the fuck up!  I need to get over it and give myself a freaking break.  I need to continue the attitude of gratitude behind last week’s entry.  I need to turn my mind around, get myself to realize that life ought not be this impossible quest for perfection but instead an inspired and challenging pursuit of Happiness.

So that’s my new goal.  I’m searching for Happiness…and a Hot Man. 

I bought a bike, because biking on the beach brings me no end of happiness (and is also great exercise).  I named her Blue Thunder.  She rocks.  I’ve had friends visiting from out of town two weekends in a row, and I have allowed myself to bask in the glow of their company.  I’m meeting new people all the time, and I’m opening my heart to make room for them.  I surround myself with old friends, and I soak up their good times, good times like a dry sponge.  I think of my family, and I am overwhelmed again, but this time with love.  I smile.  I play.  I work.  I work my way towards happiness.  And I do not judge.  I do not judge.  I do not judge.  Any negative thoughts that try to sneak in and take over are quickly trounced by my open and honest belief that I have a fucking fantastic life, I’m creating a fucking fantastic body, and someday soon my fucking fantastic new bed will welcome a fucking fantastic new man.

My good friend Kara once gave me a card that said, “When your heart speaks, take good notes.”  My heart has spoken.  It wants to be happy.  Note taken.

Hot Manspirations of the Week:  So yeah, I totally gave you guys a sprinkling of Mancandy whilst I waxed all rhapsodic about my life.  Yes, that is Matt Lauer up there, all cut and Hot and smart and whatnot…why in the world is Matt Lauer here?  Because he’s Hot, for one, and because the Today show makes me happy, it tag teams with my uber-strong cup of joe (I take my coffee like I take my men, light and strong) and helps me make it to work on time (usually).  And I Manpreciate that.  Yes, that is Justin Timberlake up there, all smoldering and Hot and talented and whatnot.  Why is he here?  Hell, he should have been here a loooonnngg time ago.  I’ve had him prepped and ready for Manspiration status for ages, but he always got bumped for some reason.  Not cool!  So I couldn’t discuss happiness without bringing this sexy back…wouldn’t have been right…

And yes, that is Larenz Tate right there, all smooth and Hot and whatnot, a sweet shot of brown sugar to start the week off right…I’ve had a crush on him forever, can’t even remember the first thing I saw him in he’s been around so long…was it Love Jones?  Anyhoo, if’n you don’t know who this one is you should be ashamed of yourself …I’ve been Manjoying him for quite a while and don’t plan on stopping anytime soon…and why should I?  His Hotness makes Her Hotness happy.  And isn’t that the order of the day?

** Programming Note! Hot Man Diet Requests and Dedications - April coming this Wednesday!!  Don’t miss it!  **  

A Happy Hump Day to you all, my lovely Hot Man Dieteers.  ‘Tis late on a Wednesday evening but I had to, had to, had to get this month’s HMD R & D up and running…the last few have either been late or combined with my Monday morning Weekly Speak, but not this month, oh hells no.  I’m not April’s fool.  I’ve got a lot to do next month, so I want to get all me ducks lined up in a row.  I’m gearing up for the FIRST ANNIVERSARY(!!!) of Hot Man Diet, and the entire month of May is going to be a celebration of Mantacular proportions!  Let’s get our pre-party on and wet our lips with this month’s three Hotties… 

For J. in Lomita, one of my dearest, oldest friends (and recent Bon Jovi concert companion - woohoo, we’re living on a prayer, Jojo!) I give you Ryan Phillippe.  She’s been asking for him for months, and I cruelly and intentionally ignored her.  Why?  Same reason why Brad Pitt gets such little HMD playing time - I love me some Reese Witherspoon, and I have a strong suspicion this man done her wrong.  Now, I’m certainly not one to expect all my Manspirations to come with spotless histories…I’m still reeling from Derek Jeter macking out with Mariah Carey in the back of that limo and that was ages ago!  But there was something rotten about the state of this dissolution, and I tend to think it might have something to do with the stank that made its way onto Mr. Phillippe’s hang low…

That being said, no doubt homeboy is Hot.  Three things I love about this pic: 1) that beer looks good, makes me want one pronto, 2) the smile and the body, the whole look is good, makes me want to climb on top of him pronto, and 3) he’s not cheating on Reese Witherspoon!

I’m just saying, is all. 

For the fabulous Miss Gee of NYC, another of my oldest and dearest friends, I bring you Justin Chambers.  She has been requesting this one since Grey’s began, didn’t pay a hoot to McDreamy nor McSteamy but instead had all eyes on Dr. Karev.  I am an arse for making her wait so long.  I have no excuse, save that my love for all things Grey’s came to a crashing halt about a year ago, when someone decided to drive a stake into my heart and have Izzie hook up with George!!  Whaa?!?!?  Who WROTE that?!  You ruined it!  It is ruined!  Forever!  The shark has been jumped a million times over and is now back in the open freaking waters! 

Anyhoo…there’s still no doubt that homeboy is Hot.  Three things I love about this pic: 1) the tattoo.  Tats are Hot, 2) that mirror makes me think he’s in a bedroom and that he’s deciding whether to be a good boy and leave me (in this fantasy I’m in the bed, mmkay) or to be a bad boy and stay…be bad, Justin, be bad!…and 3) George is not hooking up with Izzie!

I’m just saying, is all.

This last requestee is for quite a few peeps, actually.  Many HMD’ers have written in to request the latest Hot Scot, James McAvoy.  Thing is, he actually made his Hot Manspiration debut back in January, after I saw Atonement.  (I shant take this opportunity to once again declare my intense disdain for one Ms. Keira Knightley…OMFG I HATE HER!…sorry)  But that was a particularly bad week for me, as my woeful, overwrought entry indicated.  I can see how ya’ll would miss the bright spot of Scottish Hotness near the end.  No worries…’tis easy enough for me to haul out Mr. McAvoy for another round of unbridled Manjoyment.

Could there be any doubt that I find this man excessively Hot?  Three things I love about this pic: 1) it looks like he’s taking me to a pub.  I love pubs…especially with Hot Men, 2) He’s Scottish, and yes I know that has nothing to do with the pic but it has everything to do with why he’s a new fave…that accent, it’s my freaking kryptonite, people!, and 3) Frightly Knightley and her frightful pout are nowhere to be seen!

Whatever…I’m just saying, is all.

Have I missed your fave Hot Man?  Let me know!  Email herhotness@hotmandiet.com.