Week One: down 1 pound!

Well, well…something tells me I’m into something good…

My first week on Hot Man Diet and I will be honest, there were some definite ups and downs (oh alcohol, why must thou tempt me so?!)  The thing that was most remarkable for me was how easy it was to notice and be inspired by Hotness.  It seemed to be everywhere.  There was the lunch conversation about the staggeringly Hot Cleveland Indians outfielder Grady Sizemore, a conversation that surely prevented some less than desirable afternoon snacking.  There was Waitress, the movie I saw with a friend Friday night that starred the yummily Hot Nathan Fillion, whose glorious visage eliminated my desire for a late night sweet treat.  (He is the only man Hot enough to ever get me to watch science fiction…if you’ve never seen Firefly or Serenity get thee to a place where DVD’s are rented or sold and rent or buy them!) There was the Hot Man at Trader Joe’s who caught my eye, which had been previously fixed on the chocolate bar with whole hazelnuts that is cruelly placed smack dab in front of the checkout counter and that is sinfully tasty…luckily, this stylishly blond Hot Man in the expertly tailored suit was tastier.  Crisis averted. 

Isn’t inspiration a many splendored thing? 

For those of you who were adventurous enough to check out the About section of this site, you already know about “Hot Manspirations”.  (For those who haven’t read it, do so now!  It is an epic work of literary wonder condensed into one small paragraph of sheer effing brilliance…for reals, yo.)  Be prepared to be inundated with Hot Manspiration talk.  I’ve said it before and I will say it again, inspiration is at the very core of what makes Hot Man Diet work.  The trick is to let it really seep in, so much so that it alters your decision making process.  I recognize that this is easier said than done, but practice makes perfect, eh?  The old me would sit and watch The Biggest Loser while eating a big ass meatball sandwich.  The new me is pre-occupied with the pursuit of Hotness, both my own and the Hotness of those around me.  The former is all to do with what is wrong, what must be changed, what cannot be accepted.  The latter celebrates that which is good and excitedly looks forward to what is to come.  Which choice do you think is healthier? 

Hot Manspirations of the Week:  Lots of ‘em this week – there’s my OTH (Original Trifecta of Hotness) who rock my world on an almost daily basis, there are the three Hot Men mentioned above, as well as an additional duo of Hotness, the crazy talented Mos Def and the uncommonly good-looking Common.  (Can you tell I just rented Dave Chappelle’s Block Party?  It is an EXCELLENT movie, by the by…if you’ve never seen it, well, you know what to do.)

Hot Man Diet Foe of the Week:  I am steadfast in my refusal to let this site become a bitch session of sorts, where I rail about how unfair society is or how unfair my life is or anything equally whiny or annoying.  I will, however, use this section to point out any person, place or thing whose sole existence seems bent on destroying my weight loss efforts.  This week’s HMD Foe of the Week is the office environment.  You feel me, right?  I work with wonderful, generous, good-hearted people who, in their wonderful generosity, flood my workspace with culinary delight after culinary delight.  Damn them!  Damn them all to hell!  Three o’clock in the afternoon is a viciously vulnerable time to be near pastry.  Why can’t they be mean and selfish like me and keep their goods to themselves?  Why!?!   

Hot Man Dieters (Is it okay if I call you HMD’ers?  Thanks!),

 Today has been rough.  Really rough. 

I know I said before that I would check in during the week if “inspiration” hit me.  It turns out, I am actually doing the opposite.  Kind of.  See…umm, how do I put this politely…I’m in the midst of some turbulent times, hormonally, and it is wreaking havoc on my body.  I’m coming upon my apostrophe, as my hilarious friend Ann so wonderfully calls it, and I feel as if I am under seige from forces beyond my control.  No, I am NOT overstating things!  To my female HMD’ers - you know what I’m talking about, right?  I’m not the only one who randomly develops a strong and unyielding need for baked beans, right?  I’m not the only one who feels that she MUST have quiche or die, right?  I’m not the only one who wakes up at 2 in the morning and scarfs down two handfuls of pistachios and half a block of gorgonzola on Stoned Wheat Thins, RIGHT?  Well…I was probably the only one doing so last night…er, this morning…

 Sometimes I hate being a girl!

BUT…I recovered.  I can’t believe I did, but I did!  And yes, it was after yet another two handfuls of pistachios (damn tasty damn nut damn shell damnit!), but it happened.  Lunch was a salad.  Snack was fruit.  Exercise was walking.  Dinner was completely balanced, appropriate and eaten at a respectful hour.  No more pistachios.  No more pistachios, I say!

 And now, my reward…

 Many of ya’ll know that I have a certain fondness for white boys.  I love ‘em, love ‘em to pieces, don’t know why.  (Sorry Mom!)  So when I saw that there was a movie coming out that featured a love story betwixt a beautiful, professional black woman and a hottie Hot ridiculously HOT white man I didn’t walk to the closest multiplex - I ran!  I saw the movie twice in theaters and then purchased it as soon as I could.  The movie - Something New.  The hottie Hot ridiculously HOT Man - Simon Baker.  My reward - it’s sitting in my DVD player right now, calling my name softly on the wind…Leah…Leeeeaaaahhh…….

I could crawl up in that smile and die…hormones - 0, Hot Man - 1…

 For more hilarious euphemisms for Aunt Flo, visit the brilliant folks at The Onion.

Week 2: down .5 pound (-1.5 pounds total!)  ** If it seems like I am making a slow start, I am not.  I actually started developing and following Hot Man Diet about 4 weeks before the launch of this site.  Including today’s loss, my current total weight loss is 7.5 pounds, which is spectacular if I may say so myself! 

The week started off rocky (see My Apostrophe) but ended quite well.  Even a quick road trip to San Diego didn’t push me off track.  There’s something about vacations that usually brings out the snacker in me, but I was able to hold fast and tight to the goal at hand.  A funny moment - on the way to SD we stopped at a McDonald’s to use the restroom.  My friend, who is on her own Post-Baby Diet, was waiting for me as I exited the restroom.  My stomach was growling; it was a perfectly imperfect moment to be surrounded by the aroma of french fries.  I looked at my friend.  She looked at me.  In unison we headed to the counter, prepared to order the delicious booty.  We would share them, we justified.  Traffic was horrible and lunch might be hours away.  Why the hell not?  Hadn’t we both busted our asses this week working out?  Didn’t we deserve a break?  Weren’t we on vacation?!  As we waited in line - thank God for the line! - my mouth opened, spewing forth words I had ne’er heard before in this situation.  “We shouldn’t!”  It came out like a murder confession after days of brutal interrogation, wavering but clear, unnatural but true.  I turned and ran.  I ran the hell out of that place so fast I nearly mowed down some poor, unsuspecting teen!  I ran and got in the car and never looked back, my friend joining me shortly thereafter, sans french fries. 

I did have time to note that the teenaged Man/Boy I ran into was pretty Hot…and before you get all “To Catch a Predator” on me let me state for the record - I would never mess with a teenager!  I am only pointing out the irony of it all…running into Hotness on the path to Hotness.  That’s all. 

That is ALL!

Hot Manspirations of the Week:  Well, if the whole possible adultery situation hadn’t come up, I would be shouting Alex Rodriguez’s name from the rooftop, as that 9th inning Grand Slam and the gajillion other home runs he’s hit this week are rocking my world and helping to put my boys back on track.  (Also, let’s face it - homeboy is Hot!)  But the pics of him and the random blonde up in Canada aren’t sitting so well on my stomach.  Even if it is all a misunderstanding, I am loathe to celebrate him at present.  So instead I’ll give it up one more time for my man, one shining third of my Original Trifecta of Hotness, who also happened to deliver some key game winning hits this week.  Jeter, take another bow.  You’re my Hot Manspiration of the Week. 

And let’s hear it again for Tuesday’s hero, Simon Baker.  (And let’s give it up for this pic - that’s quite an image to start the week off with, eh?) 

Damn.  We shouldn’t, indeed!

Hot Man Diet Foes of the Week:  Hormones and french fries.  The good news - I went head to head with both of these foes and won!  I’m feeling pretty badass right now.  Let’s see what next week brings…

*** Programming Note - This week’s regular Monday check-in has been rescheduled for Tuesday, June 19th, so that we may bring you the special entry below.  Enjoy! ***    

On this day when we pay tribute to all the menfolk in our lives, I thought it fitting to take a moment to salute some of the Hot Dads we’ve come to know and love.  So hand your Dad a beer and find a quiet spot all your own - I’ve got some serious Hotness for you to enjoy!

The Original Hot Dad

Denzel Washington is the mac daddy and the daddy mac, no doubt about it.  He’s what every man wants to be and what every woman wants - smart, talented, fiercely sexy, stylish, suave, lick-your-lips-and-thank-the-heavens-above HOT!  He’s the only man my mother and I both find irrestible.  There’s nothing more I can say…he simply Is.  Damn.  Damn.  Damn!  

Tonight’s salad is for you, Denzel Washington.  Tonight’s salad is for you! 

 The Golden Hot Dad

 So I’ll admit it - I was firmly planted on Team Aniston.  I love me some Jen ex-Pitt and wanted nothing more than to see the love spawn of Brangelina born with a scarlet A burned on her forehead.  Instead, they have combined to produce one of the only truly beautiful babies ever made in La La Land.  (I’m talking to you Jen and Ben…lil’ Violet may have all ten fingers and all ten toes, but she ain’t got nothing on Shiloh Nouvel I Have Too Many Names!) 

Anyhoo, there is also no denying that, love him or hate him, Brad Pitt is one Hot Mothertrucker.  And one Hot Dad.

The Dreamy Hot Dad

Patrick Dempsey is deceptively Hot.  He seems like someone you could or should know, a neighbor or a co-worker, that friend of a friend, that guy you met at that party that one time who brought the expensive beer and hung out by the dip all night.  But here’s the thing - your neighbors are not that Hot!  Your co-workers are not that Hot!  (If they are, let me know and I will be there ASAP in my finest business casual.)  And if such time comes, and I hope it does not, but if such time comes as you should ever require the services of a neurosurgeon you can bet your bottom dollar that he will not be that Hot!

Nothing against neurosurgeons…I’m just trying to call a spade a spade.

The Rebel Hot Dad

While Johnny Depp is a fine father, as this past year has proven, I am primarily including Monsieur Depp in today’s proceedings because of an email plea that I received yesterday from a very good friend:

“Dear Leah,
While I know he has never been your favorite whiteboy he’s always been mine and for my birthday, I’m wondering if you could highlight my Manspiration, the one and only Johnny Depp. You can pick the photo - anything from 21 Jump Street pretty boy, to dreaded up Jack Sparrow would do…And if you could find a nudie out there, well, I may never need to eat again.”

I am still on the hunt for that nudie, but in the meantime this handsome close-up will have to do.   Happy Birthday Anne!

The Rocker Hot Dad

 One year I dressed up as Lenny Kravitz for Halloween.  For reals.  And I pulled it off, too.  (Never understimate the power of an afro wig and a wife beater.)  Perhaps that explains Lenny’s inclusion in this list.  Am I attempting to validate my own Hotness by association?  Is this a case of misplaced hubris?

Um, yeah…take a look at that pic again and tell me he doesn’t belong on any Hot list!  In fact, homeboy is so Hot that I need to put him on every list I make from here on in, be it shopping, grocery, hit…if it is a list those abs, that chest, that face, they DESERVE to be on it! 

And to think, that man’s daughter is practically a grown ass woman!  Bravo, world, bravo!  You done good with this one.  You done good.

The Bad Hot DadStop boinking the nanny, Jude Law! 

The Sporty Hot Dad

Or should I say Posh Hot Dad?  In any event, David Beckham is one Hot Motherfella.  If he does indeed end up in LA I will be one of the many Galaxy novices screaming his name from the stands.  Because while some dream of being able to bend it like Beckham, there are many more of us who dream of bending it with Beckham!

Becks, does Posh REALLY do it for you?  Come on, you can be honest with me.  Do you really enjoy knocking boots with bones?  Do you like the bruises her excessively sharp chin leaves on your glorious physique?  And most importantly - do you really want to have to sit front row center for the Spice Girls reunion concert?  Well, do you?!

The Hot Dad-To-Be

I think many of ya’ll know that I am a baseball girl.  In fact, the only two sports I really follow are baseball and women’s gymnastics.  So it is quite a feat for an athlete from another sport to enter my consciousness.  Becks was able to pull it off.  James Blake has become a recent favorite.  Michael Jordan will always be in the mix.  But as far as football is concerned, my heart belongs to Tom Brady!

 I always joke to my friends that I want a man who looks like he drinks milk.  You know what I mean, right?  Someone who is wholesome and fresh-scrubbed and looks like he loves his mother and has stepped foot in a church once or twice in his life.  Well, even though he knocked up his baby’s mamma and then dumped her for a supermodel, Tom Brady very much looks like he drinks milk.  Yum!

The Ultimate Hot Dad

Will Smith loves his children.  Will Smith loves his wife.  Will Smith is talented, funny, charming, and exceptionally Hot!  Will Smith - for all these reasons and more, you are this year’s Ultimate Hot Dad.  Come over here, you big lug, and hug me with those arms.  Hug me, I say!!   

Before we part, I must give a shout out to three real life Hot Dads who are simply the best - my brother Kye, my Uncle Max and HMD.com’s IT guy extraordinaire, Mark.  Happy Father’s Day!!!  

Week 3: down 1 pound (-8.5 total!)

Hey HMD’ers!  Did ya’ll enjoy my Father’s Day Hotness?  Somebody called them “Dadspirations”, an awesome term I cannot believe I didn’t think of myself.  Those Dadspirations are enough to keep a girl on track, huh? 

Yesterday morning I found myself watching Matt Lauer interview Princes William and Harry on the Today show, and I realized that not only do I want a Hot Man, I want to create a Hot Man!  Watching those two (Hot!) young men discuss their mother with such respect and affection, to hear them speak of her legacy with such eloquence and passion…well, it made this old gal yearn for her own Hot Boys.  What a wonderful thing that would be, to raise a good Man for the world to enjoy, that perhaps someday a woman might think of my son as her Hot Manspiration of the Week…awww…I’m getting all teary-eyed and shit…

But enough of that, let’s get back to business.  This diet is working, ya’ll.  And not just for me.  I have received my first testimonial!  I have fans!  People are really listening to what I’m saying!  Ladies and gentlemen, meet my Hot Man Dieter of the Week:

The Hot Man Diet is actually working. I can’t tell you how many bad food choices I have NOT made thanks to Hot Manspiration.  For example, last night at dinner, I ordered grilled fish instead of a blue cheese burger.  For lunch I ate an english muffin and some turkey breast instead of pizza with jalapenos and mushrooms. And I just got a cup of coffee instead of the chocolate cookie that was sitting right next to the coffee cups. And let’s not forget the fact that hot dudes do NOT like chicks who smoke…I owe this girl my life. Tell her thanks next time you see her!!

YOU’RE WELCOME!!  Keep it up (especially the no smoking!).

Hot Manspiration of the Week:  Again, this one is for my HMDer of the Week, whose favorite Hot Manspiration is Matthew McConaughey.  Who can argue with such a fine choice?  Not I, said the cat, not I.

HMD Foe of the Week:  Weekends!  Ugh, it is SO hard for me to be mindful of my food choices on the weekends.  I don’t know about you guys, but come Friday afternoon all thoughts of fruits and vegetables go out the friggin’ window, save for the random citrus attached to my cocktail or the salsa that comes with my chips and margaritas.  It is a struggle, one that I cannot claim to have mastered at all.  I can have a fantastic week, but those last 48 hours, oy!  They’re the roughest.  Does anyone have any good tips/tricks for dealing with weekends?  (P.S.  Do NOT send me any of those craptacular “diet tricks” we’ve all heard a gajillion times…if you’ve got an interesting tip I want to hear it.  If you’re gonna tell me to drink less or order a salad at a bar, save it for the next schmuck!)