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Aug 09
Hot Wheels Posted by Leah

So…this morning I was all set to sit down and write a special HMD Thursday edition.  I was gonna work on it during the day and post it this evening for your Manjoyment.  But then my day was shot all to hell.  I have a sad tale to tell.  Are ya’ll sitting down?

Her Hotness’ car was brutally hit by swarming paparazzi on the Sunset Strip!! 

Yes, that’s right.  The above sentence is indeed correct, if by “swarming paparazzi” you mean a crotchety 75-year old woman and if by “Sunset Strip” you mean a parking lot in Long Beach.  My car was hit, ya’ll!  And ya’ll know how much that can ruin a girl’s day.  Boo!!!  But, lest ye worry, I am fine, just FINE, I CAN RUN TO THE STORE AND BACK BUT MY DAUGHTER CAN’T!  SHE NEVER COULD!! 

Oooh, sorry.  Just stumbled into Steel Magnolias there…perhaps me ole brain got tweaked after all… 

Seriously, I’m fine.  There’s some damage to my car, but this is the time when it rocks to work for an automotive repair shop.  (Gretchen’s Automotive, 562-430-3728, they do EXCELLENT work!)  I’m not hurt, the crotchety old bitty isn’t hurt, and Nadia will be back out on the road in no time flat.  (Yes, I named my car after 1976 Olympic gold medalist Nadia Comaneci, the first gymnast to ever score a perfect 10 in Olympic competition.  She’s also my childhood, nay, life-hood IDOL!  I love you, Nadia!!)

In the meantime, you guys will have to wait a bit for my special entry - Hot Man Diet Presents…The Hot Man Playlist!  Oooh ooh, gonna be some sexy singing up in this piece.  I’m thinking Marvin Gaye might make the list….maybe a ‘lil Prince…dare I say it - Justin Timberlake?  STAY TUNED!!

And because Her Hotness cannot leave you without something to keep the fires burning and the food at bay, here is a link to an utterly charming Gerard Butler interview.  It is a few years old, but dee-lightful!  (Mom - STOP READING NOW.  Everyone else - can I just say that out of all the accents in the world, the Scottish accent is my absolute favorite and the ULTIMATE pantydropper!  It somehow manages to be both musical and manly at the same time, aaahh, I can’t take it, it is SO HOT!  Damn!)  Enjoy!

Aug 16

From the desk of Her Hotness:

Hello, my Hot Man Dieteers!  Greetings on this late Thursday evening. 

I come to you with my head bowed in shame.  Indeed, I am so upset I could flog myself!  For the second week in a row, life events have transpired in such a way that I am prevented from writing my promised special entry - Hot Man Diet Presents…The Hot Man Playlist!  I am full of guilt and self-loathing over my apparent inability to bring forth some harmonious Hotness, some musical Manjoyment, an orchestral orgasm of sorts.  And yes, in the time that it took me to write this I could have plunked down some crap about bringing sexy back or some other such nonsense, but I REFUSE to just whip this thing out!  (That’s what he said.)  The Hot Men of Music deserve just as much respect as the Hot Men of Baseball and the Hot Men of the UK, don’t they? 

 With your permission, HMD’ers, I’d like to postpone this entry one more week, so that I may give it as much earth, wind and fire as it deserves.  Her Hotness’ plate is super full right now, and thank goodness I mean that figuratively.  (Two salads today - who’s rocking their Mancipation Proclamation?  I am, I am!)  I still have the social calendar of a freaking debutante, and in addition to my regular job I have all of sudden become a caterer.  Whaa?  Even I’m starting to laugh at my ability to crash headfirst into shit to do.  My hovel of a kitchen is o’erwhelmed with produce, and the big decision I must make tonight is thus: do I make the coconut cupcakes from scratch or do I make the cake part from box mix and only make the icing?  The bigger issue, of course - how to avoid eating one of the cupcakes.  Oy!  And remember how I wrote that facing the world every morning with clean underwear is a flat-out miracle…tomorrow morning might not be so miraculous if’n I don’t get me to a laundry, stat!  Hot Man ??

So I beg of you all, please forgive me.  Forgive this world weary woman her shortcomings.  By the way, may I point out that Leah in Hebrew means “the weary and the forsaken”.  So it’s not like I had a choice!  Even my name is tired! 

And now I bid you all adieu ’till Monday.  First person that guesses whose RIDICULOUSLY HOT BODY that is to my right gets a prize…(here’s a hint - he’s definitely gonna be featured in Hot Man Diet Presents…The Hot Man Playlist!) 

P.S.  I just looked up at the t.v. only to see John Stamos on ER.  He’s all rough and tunble and in scrubs and HOT!  Man, ER finds the Hotties, doesn’t it?  First Clooney, now Stamos.  Have mercy! 

Dec 13
United Colors of Hotness Posted by Leah

Hola people!  Welcome to the first Hot Man Diet Thursday extravaganza!  I know this is an evening edition, but that may well be the case every once in a while with these mid-week Hot Me Ups…’twill be a lovely surprise for your Friday morning, a T.G.I.HMDF if you will…

Also, this entry is a tad late because I am hung.  Seriously hung.  Not in a “third hinge in the middle” kind of way, but instead in the “oh my god, did we seriously just order another pitcher of margaritas!?!” kind of way.  Yep, that most formidable of HMD Foes has once again reared her salt-rimmed head, turning me into so much tequila soaked putty in her lime hands…sometimes I can fight the fight…and sometimes…I cannot…

Oh, a random story to tell you guys and then we’ll get on to our Hotter purpose.  Had a CRAZY dream, one of those post-drinking dreams that are wild and all over the place.  In this dream I was back in NYC (don’t all great dreams start in NYC?) and I’m totally best friends with a paraplegic and a midget.  I’m cereal.  As the dream starts, we’re all at dinner, and these two peeps are so cool, really sophisticated and urbane and well dressed, and I feel cooler just being around them.  After dinner we make our way through the labyrinth that is the New York City subway system, and I think we’re just going home but really they’re leading me down these crazy corridors I’ve never seen and next thing I know we’re in front of this huge red door with a doorman…who is also a midget (should I be saying little person instead?)…and my friends and this dude totally exchange secret looks, some code stuff, and the doorman lets us in…I look around and we are in this dark, cavernous, smoky bar  - it’s a speakeasy for midgets and parapalegics!!  I am not effing kidding you, the bar is filled with them!!  I’m in shock, not because of the clientele (keep in mind my beloved company for the evening), not even so much because of the lesbian midget couple who are hardcore making out at the bar (I’m SO not the one to judge some peeps making out at a bar!) but only because I can’t believe they’re letting me in what is obviously the hottest underground, after hours spot in ALL of Manhattan!!  Everyone there is just so freaking cool, like Algonquin Round Table cool, like french beret and beat poetry cool, way cooler than any of the spots I tend to throw back some hooch.   

Of course, this is where my dream ends, when I finally start to feel urbane and sophisticated and cool, surrounded by the best bunch of paraplegics and midgets anyone could ever axe for.  And there are, as always, some lessons to be learned:  1) never drink and dream, and 2) at some point, whether I care to admit it or not, I could definitely use some professional help.

Anyhoo…

People - the time for globalization is here, globalization of communication, globalization of resources, globalization of Hotness!  And while there are many, many, MANY International Men of Hotness, I’ve assembled four such wonders to serve as our own personal Hot Man Diet Model UN.  First up - Takeshi Kaneshiro.  Takeshi was introduced to me by my friend Erika, who was gravely concerned with the lack of Asians on HMD. (I’m sorry!  Bad, bad Leah!)  According to Wikipedia he is half Taiwanese and half Japanese.  According to this picture he is 100% Hot!  Apparently he is a former boy band-er turned edgy film actor…I think one site even likened him to Johnny Depp.  A ringing endorsement, indeed, for this International Man of Hotness.  Me likey.  Me likey a lot!

Hot Man Takeshi Kaneshiro

And now we move to Israel, birthplace of our second IMH, Oded Fehr.  Born in Tel Aviv, trained at the Old Vic in England (I’m so jealous!), Oded has been in a ton of stuff - the Mummy movies and the Deuce Bigalow movies (where he totally sported this long haired look, it is Hot, of course, but not really my style).  More recently, he was on tv in Sleeper Cell, along with the smoking Hot FBH (Former Boyfriend of Halle), Michael Ealy.  There was a huge Sleeper Cell billboard around the corner from my house that featured close-ups of both these fine gentleman…I passed it every day for many months…the Hotness…oh, the Hotness!…

Hot Man Oded Fehr

I’m sure you all know this next gent.  Naveen Andrews is Hot.  He is also Lost.  But most importantly, he is Hot.  I am not a Lost watcher.  No, the Hotness I am recalling is from years ago, from The English Patient, when a young newcomer managed to snatch my heart away from both Ralph Fiennes AND Colin Firth…considering how much I love those two this was quite an accomplishment, indeed!  Remember the scene where he takes Juliette Binoche into that, what was it, a cave or something?  And he gives her the torch and sends her flying into air to look at the beautiful etchings or whatever on the wall?  Oh my god I wanted to be Juliette Binoche at that moment!!  SO romantic!  SO sturdy and manly and caring and Hot and Hot!  I. Was. Done.  And still am.  Note to self - rent The Brave One…ASAP!  

Hot Man Naveen Andrews

And last but not least, we have an IMH who is the only of the four to be a previous Hot Manspiration of the Week.  He is the epitome, the very essence of International Hotness.  Born in Austria, speaks four languages, half German, half African, so Hot, so unbelievably Hot, couldn’t be Hotter if Jesus Christ himself set out to create the perfect Hot Man, stunningly ripped, the face, the lips, the body, oh the body…words cannot….I cannot…too much Hotness…must look away…

I’m speaking, of course, of Boris Kodjoe.  Damn!

Hot Man Boris Kodjoe

Well, I hope ya’ll enjoyed yourselves!  Have a fabulous weekend, filled with merriment and manjoyment.

And if anyone knows about where I can find the paraplegic/midget speakeasy, let me know.  I’m totally gonna be in NYC on the 29th and I am in like Flynn!      

Jan 17
Hot Cops Posted by Leah

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?  Whatcha gonna do when they come for you…

Did you ever have one of those days when you felt completely consumed by the power of your own sexuality?  When you felt as if your body was emitting strobe light sensors from your alert and yearning nethers to the outside world like so many unspoken pick up lines?  When every move had a meaning, every touch had a tingle, and it had nothing to do with how you looked or what you wore or where you were?  And your words, when spoken, were liquid heat ensnaring innocent passersby in your random web of seduction?

Yesterday was that kind of day for me.  I dunno what it was or where it came from, but I was a walking time bomb of barely bridled sexual energy.  Luckily, it was a work day that found me wearing a less than flattering t-shirt, jeans and sneakers combo, else the whole of Long Beach might have been notched on my bedpost this morning.   Who was the first gent to find himself smack dab in the middle of my unbearable lightness of being?  A Hot Cop. 

Aaah, the Hot Cop.  He doesn’t get nearly as much attention as the Hot Doc or the Hot Fireman, but we love him nonetheless.  I remember the Hot Cop who arrested me lo those many years ago - a story I ONLY tell over cocktails…so if’n you want to hear it just email me at herhotness@hotmandiet.com and name the time and place…and yes, YOU’RE buying the drinks! - he was so nice and kind, even while he was cuffing me, and had I been in better spirits I might have made a move…sigh…

And so it is that today I pay homage to the Hot Men in Blue by honoring the best and Hottest of their tv counterparts.  To be sure, there are a staggering amount of Hot TV Cops…seeing as how I am unable to pick my top three (hell, even narrowing the field to ten seems an impossible task!), I have decided that Hot Cops shall be a recurring HMD entry…not on a weekly or monthly basis, but whene’er the mood strikes, whene’er Her Hotness needs a good frisking, Hot Cops shall be there!

We begin with the Law & Order trifecta, because they are the mac daddy and daddy mac of cop shows.  Ladies and gentleman, I give you Hot Cops, Part One.  Enjoy!

The Swagger

Hot Man Chris NothBack when Law & Order was gritty and young and unconcerned with Hot, Chris Noth was still Hot.  All cocksure bravura and New York attitude, he set the tone for all future L & O Hot Cops to come.  That he achieved much greater fame as Carrie’s Mr. Big is of no concern to me, for Chris has come the full L & O circle and is now making busts on Criminal Intent.  That he had/has a penchant for dating ladies of color only adds to his allure…add to that the fact that I stood behind him in line at a deli in the East Village during his first L & O tour of duty and was stunned to find him overwhelmingly tall and handsome in person…my hands were so clammy from nerves my tuna sandwich was ruined…but my heart was aflutter…Hot, Hot, Hot!

The Body 

Hot Man Christopher MeloniChristopher Meloni is a tremendously talented actor.  He is also built like a brick effing house.  He has one of those bodies that, when clothed, seems to be of an average build, with average musculature and average looks.  HA!  He has an INCREDIBLE body, cut and chiseled and pumped and ripped and lo-ver-ley!!!!  And so Christopher Meloni, star of L & O Special Victims Unit, is a tremendously talented actor who also happens to be super smoking HOT!  Me likey!!

The Bratt

Hot Man Benjamin BrattThis is not Benjamin Bratt’s first HMD shout-out.  An early Request and Dedication, his Hotness has been duly noted and enjoyed by all of us here at Hot Man Diet.  His Law & Order stint was reassuring proof that the role of Sidekick to Jerry Orbach would remain fittingly Noth-ified, aka Hot.  The missing swagger he replaced with grace, the cockiness with gravitas and a strong moral compass (until that affair…oooh, remember that affair he had in LA with the soon-to-be Lorelai Gilmore?!).  Throughout it all, of course, he was Hot.  Aaah yes, he was Hot!

The Brain

Hot Man Vincent D'OnofrioRemember when Her Hotness gave thanks for Smolderingly Sexy Character ActorsCriminal Intent’s Vincent D’Onofrio falls in that category, no doubt about it.  My mother calls him The Weird One, but she can’t look away.  He is eerily intense, uncannily focused and super effing smart.  This is a case of Talent providing the Hotness.  Vincent was also a guest star on one of the BEST episodes of my personal all-time favorite cop show EVER - Homicide.  (Seriously, I freaking loved that show, it was SO GOOD it kept me glued to the tv on Friday nights when I was young and living in NYC and should have been partying…it was that good!)  Look it up, find it, rent it (if possible) TiVo it (I know some channel is playing Homicide reruns during the day) and enjoy the brilliance of this Hot Cop in action.

The Soul

Hot Man Jesse L. MartinThere is no denying that in the post-Orbach L & O years, Jesse L. Martin has become the soul of this show.  His prickly chemistry with S. Epatha Merkerson is the stuff that dreams are made of (especially when one is a young black actor desperately searching for signs of intelligent African American life on tv).  He is beautiful…look at that face!  Rent Rent and listen to that soaring voice!  The lips are perfect, the skin looks soft as all get out, the eyes make you die a little on the inside…the gentlest of the L & O brood also happens to be one of the Hottest…(and yes, I know of the many rumors that he plays for the other team…people, let me just state for the record that Hot is Hot, no matter the team, no matter the position…and this one is undeniably HOT!)

The Newbie

Somewhere along the line Jeremy Sisto pulled a Keanu Reeves on us.  He grew up and Hot Man Jeremy Sistofilled out, imbuing his once boyish, pretty frame with a full bodied masculinity only age can bring.  Gone are all signs of Elton “Rolling with the Homies” from the yes-I-still-think-it-is-brilliant-all-these-years-later Clueless.  Now…he’s a man.  A Hot Man.  And a Hot Cop, for Jeremy joined the L & O cast two weeks ago and has already brought this wandering fan back home again.  Ya’ll, he’s Hot!  He’s dark and gruff and still grieving for his dead brother and maybe still in love with his dead brother’s wife and he hurts on the inside, you know, but he’s a super talented cop and maybe a bit of a loose cannon but all he needs is a woman who understands him, right?  Right?!?!

The Other Newbie

Hot Man Linus RoacheYou’re probably sitting there thinking to yourself - who the hell is this?  But I’m sitting here thinking to myself - I gotta rent The Wings of the Dove super soon, because seeing Linus Roache as the new ADA on L & O reminded me of how much I freaking loved him in The Wings of the Dove, one of those fantastic, swooning period pieces that just absolutely made me lose my shit, what a great stinking movie that was, back when Helena Bonham Carter was still quite pretty, it was simply fabulous, this tale of three lovers caught up in greed and lust and money and maybe love…by the way, Hot Brit Linus Roache pulls off a pretty stellar New Yawk accent…check it out for yourself…

The Heart

Jerry Orbach - we miss you!!!!!

Hot Man Jerry Orbach

Jan 24
Random Acts of Hotness Posted by Leah

Thursday, January 24th, 11:45 a.m., Long Beach, California…

Me: In line in front of you at the Chronic Tacos on Bellflower…jeans, orange hoodie, curly hair, with a scarf that I have decided looks a bit too Harry Potter-esque for its own good…I was the one ordering gobs of food, although I must state for the record that most of it was NOT mine…I work with boys and boys get hungry and need gobs and gobs of food…I only ate one of the many tacos I walked out with….I was so pre-occupied with my order that I didn’t check you out until I was checking out, and I could swear for a second that in spite of the monster order and the hoodie and the wizard’s scarf you were checking me out, and if so let me just tell you that you made my week because…

Hot Man Kelly SlaterYou:  Are RIDICULOUSLY HOT!!!  Took my breath away the moment I saw you, so much so that I almost walked out without my change and without any extra hot sauce, which would have been the death of me back at work.  Do you know how good-looking you are, Mr. Surfer/Skater/Biker/Fish Taco Eater Man?  Similar enough to Kelly Slater that his pic will have to suffice for all the peeps reading at home, all those poor, unlucky bastards who will never see the blue of your eyes or the curve of your lips or the definition of the arms that I could make out even with my failing eyesight, even with my arms loaded down with burritos and tacos galore…my god Man, I can’t stop thinking about you!…and so even though I totally had another entry all planned for tonight I had to scratch it so that I could send this message out to you, my real life Hot Manspiration of this week, the best thing I’ve ever gotten from Chronic Tacos (I usually only get gas), the Hottest, most Manificent thing to have crossed my path in some time…tonight’s workout is for you, Mr. Hot Taco Man…will we ever meet again?  Only time will tell…

I wish you had axed me for my number. I would have given it to you.

Damn!

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