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Jun 05
My Apostrophe Posted by Leah

Hot Man Dieters (Is it okay if I call you HMD’ers?  Thanks!),

 Today has been rough.  Really rough. 

I know I said before that I would check in during the week if “inspiration” hit me.  It turns out, I am actually doing the opposite.  Kind of.  See…umm, how do I put this politely…I’m in the midst of some turbulent times, hormonally, and it is wreaking havoc on my body.  I’m coming upon my apostrophe, as my hilarious friend Ann so wonderfully calls it, and I feel as if I am under seige from forces beyond my control.  No, I am NOT overstating things!  To my female HMD’ers - you know what I’m talking about, right?  I’m not the only one who randomly develops a strong and unyielding need for baked beans, right?  I’m not the only one who feels that she MUST have quiche or die, right?  I’m not the only one who wakes up at 2 in the morning and scarfs down two handfuls of pistachios and half a block of gorgonzola on Stoned Wheat Thins, RIGHT?  Well…I was probably the only one doing so last night…er, this morning…

 Sometimes I hate being a girl!

BUT…I recovered.  I can’t believe I did, but I did!  And yes, it was after yet another two handfuls of pistachios (damn tasty damn nut damn shell damnit!), but it happened.  Lunch was a salad.  Snack was fruit.  Exercise was walking.  Dinner was completely balanced, appropriate and eaten at a respectful hour.  No more pistachios.  No more pistachios, I say!

 And now, my reward…

 Many of ya’ll know that I have a certain fondness for white boys.  I love ‘em, love ‘em to pieces, don’t know why.  (Sorry Mom!)  So when I saw that there was a movie coming out that featured a love story betwixt a beautiful, professional black woman and a hottie Hot ridiculously HOT white man I didn’t walk to the closest multiplex - I ran!  I saw the movie twice in theaters and then purchased it as soon as I could.  The movie - Something New.  The hottie Hot ridiculously HOT Man - Simon Baker.  My reward - it’s sitting in my DVD player right now, calling my name softly on the wind…Leah…Leeeeaaaahhh…….

Hot Man Simon Baker

I could crawl up in that smile and die…hormones - 0, Hot Man - 1…

 For more hilarious euphemisms for Aunt Flo, visit the brilliant folks at The Onion.

*** Programming Note - This week’s regular Monday check-in has been rescheduled for Tuesday, June 19th, so that we may bring you the special entry below.  Enjoy! ***    

On this day when we pay tribute to all the menfolk in our lives, I thought it fitting to take a moment to salute some of the Hot Dads we’ve come to know and love.  So hand your Dad a beer and find a quiet spot all your own - I’ve got some serious Hotness for you to enjoy!

The Original Hot Dad

Hot Man Denzel WashingtonDenzel Washington is the mac daddy and the daddy mac, no doubt about it.  He’s what every man wants to be and what every woman wants - smart, talented, fiercely sexy, stylish, suave, lick-your-lips-and-thank-the-heavens-above HOT!  He’s the only man my mother and I both find irrestible.  There’s nothing more I can say…he simply Is.  Damn.  Damn.  Damn!  

Tonight’s salad is for you, Denzel Washington.  Tonight’s salad is for you! 

 The Golden Hot Dad

Hot Man Brad Pitt

 So I’ll admit it - I was firmly planted on Team Aniston.  I love me some Jen ex-Pitt and wanted nothing more than to see the love spawn of Brangelina born with a scarlet A burned on her forehead.  Instead, they have combined to produce one of the only truly beautiful babies ever made in La La Land.  (I’m talking to you Jen and Ben…lil’ Violet may have all ten fingers and all ten toes, but she ain’t got nothing on Shiloh Nouvel I Have Too Many Names!) 

Anyhoo, there is also no denying that, love him or hate him, Brad Pitt is one Hot Mothertrucker.  And one Hot Dad.

The Dreamy Hot Dad

Hot Man Patrick Dempsey

Patrick Dempsey is deceptively Hot.  He seems like someone you could or should know, a neighbor or a co-worker, that friend of a friend, that guy you met at that party that one time who brought the expensive beer and hung out by the dip all night.  But here’s the thing - your neighbors are not that Hot!  Your co-workers are not that Hot!  (If they are, let me know and I will be there ASAP in my finest business casual.)  And if such time comes, and I hope it does not, but if such time comes as you should ever require the services of a neurosurgeon you can bet your bottom dollar that he will not be that Hot!

Nothing against neurosurgeons…I’m just trying to call a spade a spade.

The Rebel Hot DadHot Man Johnny Depp

While Johnny Depp is a fine father, as this past year has proven, I am primarily including Monsieur Depp in today’s proceedings because of an email plea that I received yesterday from a very good friend:

“Dear Leah,
While I know he has never been your favorite whiteboy he’s always been mine and for my birthday, I’m wondering if you could highlight my Manspiration, the one and only Johnny Depp. You can pick the photo - anything from 21 Jump Street pretty boy, to dreaded up Jack Sparrow would do…And if you could find a nudie out there, well, I may never need to eat again.”

I am still on the hunt for that nudie, but in the meantime this handsome close-up will have to do.   Happy Birthday Anne!

The Rocker Hot Dad

Hot Man Lenny Kravitz

 One year I dressed up as Lenny Kravitz for Halloween.  For reals.  And I pulled it off, too.  (Never understimate the power of an afro wig and a wife beater.)  Perhaps that explains Lenny’s inclusion in this list.  Am I attempting to validate my own Hotness by association?  Is this a case of misplaced hubris?

Um, yeah…take a look at that pic again and tell me he doesn’t belong on any Hot list!  In fact, homeboy is so Hot that I need to put him on every list I make from here on in, be it shopping, grocery, hit…if it is a list those abs, that chest, that face, they DESERVE to be on it! 

And to think, that man’s daughter is practically a grown ass woman!  Bravo, world, bravo!  You done good with this one.  You done good.

The Bad Hot DadHot Man Jude LawStop boinking the nanny, Jude Law! 

The Sporty Hot Dad

Hot Man David Beckham

Or should I say Posh Hot Dad?  In any event, David Beckham is one Hot Motherfella.  If he does indeed end up in LA I will be one of the many Galaxy novices screaming his name from the stands.  Because while some dream of being able to bend it like Beckham, there are many more of us who dream of bending it with Beckham!

Becks, does Posh REALLY do it for you?  Come on, you can be honest with me.  Do you really enjoy knocking boots with bones?  Do you like the bruises her excessively sharp chin leaves on your glorious physique?  And most importantly - do you really want to have to sit front row center for the Spice Girls reunion concert?  Well, do you?!

The Hot Dad-To-Be

Hot Man Tom BradyI think many of ya’ll know that I am a baseball girl.  In fact, the only two sports I really follow are baseball and women’s gymnastics.  So it is quite a feat for an athlete from another sport to enter my consciousness.  Becks was able to pull it off.  James Blake has become a recent favorite.  Michael Jordan will always be in the mix.  But as far as football is concerned, my heart belongs to Tom Brady!

 I always joke to my friends that I want a man who looks like he drinks milk.  You know what I mean, right?  Someone who is wholesome and fresh-scrubbed and looks like he loves his mother and has stepped foot in a church once or twice in his life.  Well, even though he knocked up his baby’s mamma and then dumped her for a supermodel, Tom Brady very much looks like he drinks milk.  Yum!

The Ultimate Hot Dad

Hot Man Will Smith

Will Smith loves his children.  Will Smith loves his wife.  Will Smith is talented, funny, charming, and exceptionally Hot!  Will Smith - for all these reasons and more, you are this year’s Ultimate Hot Dad.  Come over here, you big lug, and hug me with those arms.  Hug me, I say!!   

Before we part, I must give a shout out to three real life Hot Dads who are simply the best - my brother Kye, my Uncle Max and HMD.com’s IT guy extraordinaire, Mark.  Happy Father’s Day!!!  

Redefining the notion of fantasy baseball, Hot Man Diet is thrilled to present the first annual Hot Man Diet Hotness All-Star Team!  As the first half of the baseball season winds to a close, I needs must take a moment to salute my babies, my heroes, my everything - my Hot Boys of summer.  And while there are many lovelies to choose from, I have painstakingly assembled what I feel is the Ultimate Starting Lineup…of Hotness!! 

Many of the gentleman listed here today are actual members of the 2007 MLB All-Star Team.  All of them are, beyond being ridonkulously Hot, exceptionally talented athletes.  Some are married, some single.  Both the American and National Leagues are represented, and I have tried, as much as possible, to pick players from different teams all over the country.  You will see some teams represented more than once (hey, what can I say…I’m a New Yorker at heart!) and you will see some teams not represented at all.  Please do not hold that against me - the Hotness dictates where I must go and I cannot help but follow it!  I am sure that many of you will disagree with my choices.  If so, tell me.  Write in and let me know who I missed.  Even I can occasionally overlook Hotness. 

For every player listed I have included a link to their actual profile on their team’s site, in case you get off on stats as much as I do and want to find out more.  (PLEASE keep in mind that the pictures on the team site ARE NOT good in that they DO NOT accurately depict ANYONE’S true Hotness!  In other words, if you’re only looking for Hotness, look elsewhere.)  I have also deliberately chosen pics that show these Hot Men in the thick of the action.  This does rule out many close-ups of the Hotness, so I have tried to find other pics to help further illustrate their inclusion on this list.  Sit back, relax and enjoy!

Announcing the 2007 Hotness All-Star Team Starting Lineup…

First Base:  Derrek Lee, Chicago CubsHot First Baseman Derrek Lee

There’s something about Derrek Lee.  Sure, he’s tall, he’s got a helluva body, he’s a leader on a big market team of talented players trying desperately to shake their “loveable loser” stigma.  But there’s something else, something brewing just under the surface, a kind of electric sexuality that flows out of that man and speaks to me.  In short, he moves me.  A lot.  I suspect that his will be the most criticized choice, as many of you are probably slack-jawed in amazement at Albert Pujols’ omission.  What can I say?  The heart wants what the heart wants and this heart wants that tall drink of hot chocolate to take her to first base and beyond!  

Although ALL of this would be null and void were the super-foxy Tino Martinez not retired… 

Second BaseTadahito Iguchi, Chicago White Sox 

Hot Second Baseman Tad Iguchi

Of all of the players to come to the U.S. from Japan, Tad Iguchi is by far the Hottest.  I first noticed him during the 2005 World Series, when the White Sox took down the Astros to win it all for the first time since 1917.  My interest was piqued the first time I spied him - serious, intense, smoldering, Hot!  And if you think this view from behind is nice, believe me when I say it is just as sexy from the front

Shortstop:  Derek Jeter, New York Yankees Hot Shortstop Derek Jeter

Um, who did you THINK I was gonna pick - Carlos Guillen?!

There are no words.  There are no words left for this Man, one-third of my Original Trifecta of Hotness, 2 time Hot Manspiration of the Week, 8 time MLB All-Star, 2000 All-Star Game MVP.  There are simply no words left.  Okay, there are three words left - Oh.  My.  God.  And here, I found four more words - Bring.  Him.  To.  Me.  Oh wait, here’s one last sentence I found behind the couch - Oh my God, bring him to me now, this instant, right now, I must have him now, please God, now now now now now now now now Right Now. please, please, I’m totally serious, I’m NOT KIDDING, PLEASE!!!!

Third Base:  David Wright, New York Mets

Hot Third Baseman David Wright

Yes indeedy, he is definitely a Mr. Wright.  This affable young ‘un has proven himself to be One To Watch, as he would have been last year’s All-Star MVP had the National League won.  And that was his first appearance at the Midsummer Classic!  Exceptionally talented, crazy nice and super Hot, David Wright’s inclusion on this list should have been a done deal.  And it would have been, were it not for this guy.  Aaah, A-Rod.  Why are you so hard to like?  You’re leading the majors in home runs, you’re tops in all kinds of other stats, you’re on pace to break a gajillion records and you’ve figured out how to deliver game winning hits in the ninth inning.  And you are, undoubtedly, smoking Hot.  So why can’t I love you?  Why?! 

Catcher:  Joe Mauer, Minnesota TwinsHot Catcher Joe Mauer

You know how the saying goes - “We want a catcher, not a bellly scratcher!”  Well, if the catcher in question looks anything like Mr. Mauer to my right, can I request the catch AND the scratch?  Yum!  I’ll get over the grudge I have with Joe and teammate Justin Morneau for robbing Derek Jeter of the two titles he deserved to win last year, American League batting champ and American League Most Valuable Player, respectively.  But only because you’re a Hot Man, Joe Mauer.  You are definitely one Hot Man!

Outfielders:  Grady Sizemore, Cleveland IndiansHot Outfielder Grady Sizemore

Does Sizemore matter?  Oh hell yes it does, especially when it comes with those dimples, that curly hair, that body, that talent, that smile!  Grady has been featured before on Hot Man Diet, and rightly so.  He takes my breath away!  And I’m not the only one.  There’s a group called The Grady’s Ladies Sisterhood, and I suppose I’d be the first one to sign up, were I not a Yankee gal through and through (I bleed pinstripes).  But I understand where ya’ll are coming from, ladies.  I completely and totally understand!

 Carlos Beltran, New York MetsHot Outfielder Carlos Beltran

Yes, that is Met #2 on the list, because this is another one that could not be denied.  Apart from being one of the most promising young outfielders in baseball today, Mr. Beltran is also, according to People magazine, one of the 50 Most Beautiful People in the World.  I concur!  I concur!  I mean, the front is glorious.  The back is glorious (as this pic demonstrates).  The body is unreal…hold on guys…I need a moment alone..to collect my thoughts…

Andre Ethier, Los Angeles DodgersHot Outfielder Andre Ethier

Funny story - when I announced my intention to release a 2007 Hotness All-Star Team, a good friend of mine immediately asked if any of his beloved Dodgers would be on my list.  Now, I like the Dodgers and all, but I had to admit to him that none of them moved me in that special, HMD kind of way.  With wounded pride, my friend offered suggestion after suggestion.  No, I said, no Nomar.  No Derek Lowe.  No Juan Pierre.  Too bad you got rid of Shawn Green, I told him, ’cause he might have made the cut.  Undeterred, my friend went on the search for a Hot Dodger.  I let him be, thinking that he would soon run out of players to offer and settle for a pic of Mr. Green in a Mets cap.  But then he introduced me to a Dodger newbie, a young ‘un that hadn’t yet been sullied by my salacious eyes.  An uncovered beauty, an undiscovered treasure - Andre Ethier.  Holy moly, what Hotness there was to be found!  There are only a few decent pics of him floating around, but I’ve seen enough to know that I need to get my ass to a Dodger game, post haste!  Who’s with me?!

Pitchers: ( As you will soon see, I am only listing a four man starting rotation and one closer.  There are no relievers included because let’s face it - we could be here all day.  And I’d like to have time to actually WATCH the All-Star game, so ya’ll will have to settle for the five hotties below.  They SHOULD be more than enough!)

Mark Mulder, St. Louis CardinalsHot Pitcher Mark Mulder

I have been a fan of Mark Mulder for a looong time, back when he and Barry Zito and Tim Hudson made the Oakland A’s pitching staff the stuff that legends are made of.  I also remember watching him outpitch Roger Clemens when he was the starting pitcher for the American League in the 2004 All-Star Game.  But mostly I just remember him being uber-Hot!  He’s the kind of guy who looks like he drinks milk, and we ALL know how I feel about men who drink milk!

Miguel Batista, Seattle MarinersHot Pitcher Miguel Batista          

By all rights I should hate Miguel Batista.  He was part of That Team, the team I hate mentioning.  No, I’m not talking about the Red Sox, I’m talking about the 2001 Arizona Diamondbacks.  You know, That Team That Ruined My Life Back Then.  Okay, so there were MUCH larger world issues at hand to worry about, but man, did I ever want to see my Yanks win so much as I did that year?  Anyhoo, the thing is that in spite of it all, I still noticed the Hotness that is Miguel Batista.  Gorgeous eyes, the bone structure of a runway model and the most chiseled, muscular, dare I say beautiful pair of legs I have EVER seen on a man…there’s no way I could hate him!  The Hotness is too much, I say.  The Hotness is too much. 

Huston Street, Oakland Athletics   Hot Pitcher Huston Street

This hard throwing closer is just another example of Oakland A’s pitching at its finest (see Mark Mulder).  Named 2005’s AL Rookie of the Year (over my Robinson Cano!), Huston is just beginning what is surely to be an incredibly illustrious career.  He’s already got the ladies on his side, so between them and his 100 mph fastball, I’d say he’s gonna be just fine…

Johan Santana, Minnesota TwinsHot Pitcher Johan Santana

This lefty packs some heat, both literally and figuratively.  A two-time CY Young Award winner (the only Twin to ever achieve that honor), he is also known for being incredibly kind and extremely beloved back home in Venezuela.  I also happen to think he’s smoking Hot, although I prefer the view of him on the bench when the Twins play my Yanks…he’s one of the few AL starting pitchers I dread my boys having to face. 

Andy Pettitte, New York YankeesHot Pitcher Andy Pettitte

When you say the name Andy Pettitte to a Yankee fan, this is the image that immediately comes to mind.  The Pettitte Stare.  Eyes darting out from under shadows, head tilted, body tense in expecation, hands preparing for the assault, glove removing all doubt.  So little is shown, and yet the Hotness is undimmed.  How happy was I when Andy came home?  How I missed him!  How we needed him!  How I wanted him back, if but to see this visage again, this glorious image, this unheralded, full-bodied, unyielding Hotness!  Welcome back, Andy!

I hope ya’ll enjoyed my 2007 All-Star Team of Hotness.  Make sure you catch the Hotties in action tonight.  For more information on times, teams and trivia visit www.mlb.com.  For my part, I shall prepare myself for all of the Hotness with a good night’s sleep.  Take me out to the ball game, indeed! 

Jul 11
Hottie to the Rescue! Posted by Leah

The following events are real.  No names have been changed to protect the innocent, because no one is innocent.

July 11th, 2007, 8:30 pm (ish) PST

Her Hotness walks out of Old Navy, having just completed her flip-flop exchange, and begins to head towards her car.  Still reeling in disbelief that she actually ordered a salad at a Mexican restaurant, to go with a margarita no less, she felt herself slowly veer off course.  Deep in her heart she knew where she was headed.  At the end of the strip mall stood the Trader Joe’s, its insides overflowing with bottles of wine, chocolates galore, cookies to die for and more sweet treats to tempt the tempted.  I had the SALAD, she told herself.  I’ve eaten so many stinking vegetables today I DESERVE a reward!  I have all weekend to work it off.  What’s one small indiscretion?  Her pace quickened as her resolve weakened, the looming glory of Trader Joe’s seducing her with its promise of forbidden booty. 

Suddenly she stopped.  Turned.  Threw herself into the open storefront in her path.  Barnes and Noble.  Thank God one can’t eat books, she said to herself.  But isn’t there a Starbucks in here that sells pastries?  She looked to her left.  Books.  She looked straight ahead.  More books.  She looked to her right.  Magazines…and Starbucks!  Without a moment’s pause she headed to the right, lazily skimming the magazines as if to trick herself into thinking there was any other reason for her to be there.  And there He was.  On the cover of Interview magazine.  Smile on his face, arm muscles bursting out of his tight tee, a cigar hanging out of his mouth and, what is that, a beer in his hand?  The headline - “The Smokin’est Man Alive?”  and then in a red box with yellow lettering she saw it, the utterly familiar, completely correct word of the year -

“HOT!”

There He was.  Standing between Her Hotness and the sweet treats was Daniel Craig!  One of her OTH!  Coming out of nowhere to rescue her from herself!  His Hotness stopped Her Hotness from making what was sure to be a lamentable mistake.  What was supposed to be a trip for a treat turned into a intervention courtesy of Interview

And yeah, she bought the magazine…but not the pastry!

The moral of the story? 

Nothing tastes as good as a Hot Man feels!

Hot Man Daniel Craig

My fellow HMD’ers, I am pleased as punch to announce the public debut of Hot Man Diet!  That’s right, my ‘lil project will now be thrust (tee hee, she said thrust) upon the masses, who will soon know our universal truth - Nothing tastes as good as a Hot Man feels!  Drumroll, please:

Where:  The 59th Annual Catalina Water Ski Race, Long Beach, California

When:  Saturday, July 21st, at the asscrack of dawn (a.k.a around 8 am)

What:  My good friend (and boss) Todd Kelm has ever so graciously agreed, nay, insisted that we put a Hot Man Diet decal on his boat.  When he kicks butt and takes names and wins this race, Hot Man Diet will bask in the warm afterglow of his celebrity.  Also, I’ll be parading around in my very own Hot Man Diet t-shirt, finally using my breasts as God intended…free advertising!!!

HMD Decal #1

HMD Decal #2

If you are in the SoCal area and would like to join in on the fun, please come on down!  We’ll be there all day, cheering Todd on and cruising for Hot Manspirations.  I’m SURE we’ll find some!!

A very special thanks to Todd and Trina Kelm, who have supported me (both literally and figuratively) from day one.  They own and operate two of the finest businesses in Long Beach…and their employees are smoking Hot!  Click here for more information.

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