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May 28
The Hotness Begins… Posted by Leah

Why do you diet?

You diet because you have a goal, right? You have an impetus, a reason to change. Perhaps you want increased energy to help you keep up with your kids. Maybe you want help with shedding that freshman fifteen that turned into thirty when you graduated to an office and a desk and eight hours of sitting around moving nothing but your fingers. Or maybe you simply feel the need to adopt healthy eating habits in an effort to stymie the effects of Old Man Time. These are excellent reasons to go on a diet, grounded as they are in the ultimate belief that a healthy body leads to a healthy (and happy) life.

But these are not my reasons.

Why do I diet? Sure, I could sit here and give you some mumbo jumbo about health and wellness and all other sorts of hoohaa, but I’d prefer instead to be bluntly and brutally honest. I diet because I want a Hot Man.

Are you still there?

I am a woman. I am a woman in the midst of her sexual prime. I am also overweight. Pleasantly plump. Full-figured. Curvy. Call it what you want, but it means there is plenty of me to spare. It also means that for this woman in the midst of her sexual prime who happens to be pleasantly curvy and living in Los Angeles (a fact that is important for various and sundry reasons that will be illuminated in future entries, I promise), there are not enough Hot Men in my life. And that’s a problem.

But I have found a solution - a revolutionary weight loss program called Hot Man Diet!

How does it work? It is easy! Whenever you are faced with a food choice simply ask yourself, “Will eating this help me get a Hot Man?” If the answer is no, don’t eat it!

Scoff if you will, but trust me. Even if weight has been a lifelong issue, Hot Man Diet can (and will) work. It is a diet based solely on inspiration. Glorious, gorgeous, necessary inspiration. And for the first time ever you needn’t provide this inspiration yourself. You will find it elsewhere. You will find it in all of the lovely Hot Men that populate this earth. Let their handsome outsides be the light at the end of your tunnel. Let their muscled, toned exterior help you achieve the same. To hell with meetings and weigh-ins and measuring and no this and no that…Hot Man Diet is here to save you from yourself! Take a turn for the shallow and start looking for a few Hot Men!

I mean, look at this:

Daniel Craig

Daniel Craig in all his glory…why eat when there is such a man? That he exists, somewhere out there in the world, is enough to make me listen to all the bastards who tell me to eat 3-5 servings of vegetables a day, who insist that my constant desire for margaritas with chips and salsa be curbed (NOTE - I say curbed and not eliminated!).

And then there is this:

th_photo_derek_jeter.jpg

Derek Jeter, Hotness personified, perfection in pinstripes. Yeah, I think I could stand to have that salad with the dressing on the side, please!

th_11_big.jpg

Clooney! Aaah, I can’t take it. It’s time for a 45 minute power walk and an assload of crunches!

I’m done with cake and pizza and beer, glorious beer…these Hot Men are worth working for. I call these three my Original Trifecta of Hotness, and they will be my guiding light along this healthy trek, along with many other Hot Men who will be guest stars in my weight loss odyssey. Join me, won’t you, as I take on a lifetime of poor food choices and unhealthy habits so that someday I can call one of these Hot Men my own! I’ll be here every Monday to let you know how I’m doing. I’ll also check in throughout the week when inspiration (in the form of a Hot Man, natch) strikes. I’ve got a long way to go, but with Hot Man Diet on my side, I’ll make it!

See you next week…

Jun 04

Week One: down 1 pound!

Well, well…something tells me I’m into something good…

 

My first week on Hot Man Diet and I will be honest, there were some definite ups and downs (oh alcohol, why must thou tempt me so?!)  Hot Man Grady SizemoreThe thing that was most remarkable for me was how easy it was to notice and be inspired by Hotness.  It seemed to be everywhere.  There was the lunch conversation about the staggeringly Hot Cleveland Indians outfielder Grady Sizemore, a conversation that surely prevented some less than desirable afternoon snacking.  There was Waitress, the movie I saw with a friend Friday night that starred the yummily Hot Nathan Fillion, whose glorious visage eliminated my desire for a late night sweet treat.  (He is the only man Hot enough to ever get me to watch science fiction…if you’ve never seen Firefly or Serenity get thee to a place where DVD’s are rented or sold and rent or buy them!) There was the Hot Man at Trader Joe’s who caught my eye, which had been previously fixed on the chocolate bar with whole hazelnuts that is cruelly placed smack dab in front of the checkout counter and that is sinfully tasty…luckily, this stylishly blond Hot Man in the expertly tailored suit was tastier.  Crisis averted. Hot Man Nathan Fillion

 

Isn’t inspiration a many splendored thing? 

 

For those of you who were adventurous enough to check out the About section of this site, you already know about “Hot Manspirations”.  (For those who haven’t read it, do so now!  It is an epic work of literary wonder condensed into one small paragraph of sheer effing brilliance…for reals, yo.)  Be prepared to be inundated with Hot Manspiration talk.  I’ve said it before and I will say it again, inspiration is at the very core of what makes Hot Man Diet work.  The trick is to let it really seep in, so much so that it alters your decision making process.  I recognize that this is easier said than done, but practice makes perfect, eh?  The old me would sit and watch The Biggest Loser while eating a big ass meatball sandwich.  The new me is pre-occupied with the pursuit of Hotness, both my own and the Hotness of those around me.  The former is all to do with what is wrong, what must be changed, what cannot be accepted.  The latter celebrates that which is good and excitedly looks forward to what is to come.  Which choice do you think is healthier? 

 

Hot Manspirations of the Week:  Lots of ‘em this week – there’s my OTH (Original Trifecta of Hot Man CommonHot Man Mos DefHotness) who rock my world on an almost daily basis, there are the three Hot Men mentioned above, as well as an additional duo of Hotness, the crazy talented Mos Def and the uncommonly good-looking Common.  (Can you tell I just rented Dave Chappelle’s Block Party?  It is an EXCELLENT movie, by the by…if you’ve never seen it, well, you know what to do.)

 

 

Hot Man Diet Foe of the Week:  I am steadfast in my refusal to let this site become a bitch session of sorts, where I rail about how unfair society is or how unfair my life is or anything equally whiny or annoying.  I will, however, use this section to point out any person, place or thing whose sole existence seems bent on destroying my weight loss efforts.  This week’s HMD Foe of the Week is the office environment.  You feel me, right?  I work with wonderful, generous, good-hearted people who, in their wonderful generosity, flood my workspace with culinary delight after culinary delight.  Damn them!  Damn them all to hell!  Three o’clock in the afternoon is a viciously vulnerable time to be near pastry.  Why can’t they be mean and selfish like me and keep their goods to themselves?  Why!?!   

Jun 11
Road Tripping Posted by Leah

Week 2: down .5 pound (-1.5 pounds total!)  ** If it seems like I am making a slow start, I am not.  I actually started developing and following Hot Man Diet about 4 weeks before the launch of this site.  Including today’s loss, my current total weight loss is 7.5 pounds, which is spectacular if I may say so myself! 

The week started off rocky (see My Apostrophe) but ended quite well.  Even a quick road trip to San Diego didn’t push me off track.  There’s something about vacations that usually brings out the snacker in me, but I was able to hold fast and tight to the goal at hand.  A funny moment - on the way to SD we stopped at a McDonald’s to use the restroom.  My friend, who is on her own Post-Baby Diet, was waiting for me as I exited the restroom.  My stomach was growling; it was a perfectly imperfect moment to be surrounded by the aroma of french fries.  I looked at my friend.  She looked at me.  In unison we headed to the counter, prepared to order the delicious booty.  We would share them, we justified.  Traffic was horrible and lunch might be hours away.  Why the hell not?  Hadn’t we both busted our asses this week working out?  Didn’t we deserve a break?  Weren’t we on vacation?!  As we waited in line - thank God for the line! - my mouth opened, spewing forth words I had ne’er heard before in this situation.  “We shouldn’t!”  It came out like a murder confession after days of brutal interrogation, wavering but clear, unnatural but true.  I turned and ran.  I ran the hell out of that place so fast I nearly mowed down some poor, unsuspecting teen!  I ran and got in the car and never looked back, my friend joining me shortly thereafter, sans french fries. 

I did have time to note that the teenaged Man/Boy I ran into was pretty Hot…and before you get all “To Catch a Predator” on me let me state for the record - I would never mess with a teenager!  I am only pointing out the irony of it all…running into Hotness on the path to Hotness.  That’s all. 

That is ALL!

Hot Manspirations of the Week:  Well, if the whole possible adultery situation hadn’t come up, I would be shouting Alex Rodriguez’s name from the rooftop, as that 9th inning Grand Slam and the gajillion other home runs he’s hit this week are rocking my world and helping to put my boys back on track.  (Also, let’s face it - homeboy is Hot!)  But the pics of him and the random blonde up in Canada aren’t sitting so well on my stomach.  Even if it is all a misunderstanding, I am loathe to celebrate him at present.  So instead I’ll give it up one more time for my man, one shining third of my Original Trifecta of Hotness, who also happened to deliver some key game winning hits this week.  Jeter, take another bow.  You’re my Hot Manspiration of the Week. 

Hot Man Derek Jeter

And let’s hear it again for Tuesday’s hero, Simon Baker.  (And let’s give it up for this pic - that’s quite an image to start the week off with, eh?) Hot Man Simon Baker

Damn.  We shouldn’t, indeed!

Hot Man Diet Foes of the Week:  Hormones and french fries.  The good news - I went head to head with both of these foes and won!  I’m feeling pretty badass right now.  Let’s see what next week brings…

Jun 19
Testify Sister! Posted by Leah

Week 3: down 1 pound (-8.5 total!)

Hey HMD’ers!  Did ya’ll enjoy my Father’s Day Hotness?  Somebody called them “Dadspirations”, an awesome term I cannot believe I didn’t think of myself.  Those Dadspirations are enough to keep a girl on track, huh? 

Yesterday morning I found myself watching Matt Lauer interview Princes William and Harry Hot Princes William and Harryon the Today show, and I realized that not only do I want a Hot Man, I want to create a Hot Man!  Watching those two (Hot!) young men discuss their mother with such respect and affection, to hear them speak of her legacy with such eloquence and passion…well, it made this old gal yearn for her own Hot Boys.  What a wonderful thing that would be, to raise a good Man for the world to enjoy, that perhaps someday a woman might think of my son as her Hot Manspiration of the Week…awww…I’m getting all teary-eyed and shit…

But enough of that, let’s get back to business.  This diet is working, ya’ll.  And not just for me.  I have received my first testimonial!  I have fans!  People are really listening to what I’m saying!  Ladies and gentlemen, meet my Hot Man Dieter of the Week:

The Hot Man Diet is actually working. I can’t tell you how many bad food choices I have NOT made thanks to Hot Manspiration.  For example, last night at dinner, I ordered grilled fish instead of a blue cheese burger.  For lunch I ate an english muffin and some turkey breast instead of pizza with jalapenos and mushrooms. And I just got a cup of coffee instead of the chocolate cookie that was sitting right next to the coffee cups. And let’s not forget the fact that hot dudes do NOT like chicks who smoke…I owe this girl my life. Tell her thanks next time you see her!!

YOU’RE WELCOME!!  Keep it up (especially the no smoking!).

Hot Manspiration of the Week:  Again, this one is for my HMDer of the Week, whose favorite Hot Manspiration is Matthew McConaughey.  Who can argue with such a fine choice?  Not I, said the cat, not I.

Hot Man Matthew McConaughey

HMD Foe of the Week:  Weekends!  Ugh, it is SO hard for me to be mindful of my food choices on the weekends.  I don’t know about you guys, but come Friday afternoon all thoughts of fruits and vegetables go out the friggin’ window, save for the random citrus attached to my cocktail or the salsa that comes with my chips and margaritas.  It is a struggle, one that I cannot claim to have mastered at all.  I can have a fantastic week, but those last 48 hours, oy!  They’re the roughest.  Does anyone have any good tips/tricks for dealing with weekends?  (P.S.  Do NOT send me any of those craptacular “diet tricks” we’ve all heard a gajillion times…if you’ve got an interesting tip I want to hear it.  If you’re gonna tell me to drink less or order a salad at a bar, save it for the next schmuck!)  

Jun 25
Waist Management Posted by Leah

Week 4: down 4 pounds (- 12.5 total!)  Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap - this has been a GREAT week!!!!!

Hello HMD’ers!  There’s something that’s been bugging me that I must get off my chest.  I am convinced I was alive during the Depression.  Seriously, I must have been.  How else to explain my unwillingness to waste food?  You know how your parents always told you to clean your plate because there are starving children in Africa?  Well, I have taken that sentiment to heart and then some, as it hurts me to the very core, it wounds my soul to waste food!

 To wit - a few weeks ago I went out to dinner with friends.  Mexican restaurant (my fave).  I ordered a large burrito, thinking that half of it would make for an excellent lunch the next day.  The good part was that I did eat only half of the sucker.  The bad part was that I forgot that I already had lunch for the next day, a salad that needed to be eaten or else would start to go bad (oh, the horror, one cannot let food go bad!!).  I also had dinner plans that evening, so there was no immediate time in sight for me to consume my leftovers.  I stored it in the fridge, ignoring the panic brewing in my stomach, that I might waste this glorious half of a burrito.  (Did I really just write that?!  A “glorious half of a burrito”?  HMD’ers, help me.  Save me!  Send me somewhere calm and cool so that I may lose my mind behind closed doors and away from children and the elderly.  Clearly, that is where I am headed.  Ugh.) 

As I prepared for bed, my mind kept wandering to the leftovers, thinking, planning, looking at the days ahead, not seeing any free mealtime available during which they could be consumed.  (It was a particularly social weekend for me.)  I washed my face.  The burrito.  I brushed my teeth.  The burrito.  I pulled back my bedsheets.  The glorious half of that mothertrucking burrito!  It was like a tell-tale heart in my kitchen, thumping, bumping, lulling me from my bed, peeling off my good judgement, guiding me gently into refried madness!  I musn’t waste the glorious half of that mothertrucking burrito!  

I caved.  I ate the whole damn thing.  I did.  I wish I could say I didn’t, but I did.  No Hot Manspiration could stop me.  It was too much.  But I learned something valuable that night - what happens at the restaurant stays at the restaurant!  No more leftovers, ever.  I’m done with ’em.    

I feel clean now, as if I have given confession and been washed of my sins.  Thank you, HMD’ers, for listening.  Please do not judge too harshly, ere I will stack this site full of pics of the homeliest men you’ve ever seen.  I will!  I’ll do it!

Hot Manspirations of the Week:  It seems like every time I’ve turned on my tv this week the same commercial has been playing.  For once, I am happy to see such constant advertising, as Hot Man Taye DiggsHot Man John Stamosthe commercial in question is Propel Fitness Water’s “Powerwalk” ad.  Have you seen it?  It is the best 30 seconds on tv right now!  It is the ad Hot Man Diet would make if Hot Man Diet had enough money to make an ad.  It is brilliant!  So here’s to Taye Diggs, Derek Jeter (yes, him again) and John Stamos - they’re my Hot Manspirations of the Week!  Have mercy!

HMD Foe of the Week:  Margaritas.  It pains me to write that, but ’tis true.  You see, tequila and I have what is akin to a domestic abuse relationship.  I love it, adore it, but each time I partake it hurts me.  I try to move away, try to find something less harmful like rum and diet or vodka and soda.  But it calls me back, tells me things will be different the next time, the next time it won’t hurt.  But it always does!  And I can’t say no!  I can’t quit it.  Oh tequila, I wish I knew how to quit you!   

So…who wants to meet up for margaritas this weekend?

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